Elegant Decadence

The resurgence of the martini in all its variegated glory -- apple, watermelon, cucumber, et al -- has left some of us civilians in a quandary: How to master this classic without revealing just how culturally regressed one is. Rum & Coke -- no problem. White Russian -- a walk in Gorky Park. Ah, but the mysteries of the martini continue to perplex and befuddle. To shake or to stir? Vodka or gin? Olives or pork rind wedge? It's enough to drive one to drink!
Leave it to technology to take over where human error could result in social ostracism or worse: The Waring Professional Martini Maker, an electric, three-button, polished stainless steel marvel that will make you the talk of the country club -- or at least create the illusion that you belong to one.
It couldn't be simpler: measure out your preferred ingredients, add a bit of ice, push either the "shake" or "stir" button, wait a mere sixty seconds while it jostles or rotates and you have got yourself a perfectly mixed concoction. The strainer is built in, and the microchip does the number crunching: 34ยบ is the optimal drinking temperature according to the International Bureau of Cocktail Standards (or some such authority).
All you have to do is look debonair and pour, so fire up the hi-fi with some Miles Davis and set the time machine for 1959! Your cool factor just went up fivefold.

A Detroit native, David Weiss fled Motown for Los Angeles in 1978 and began to write for Daily Variety and the Los Angeles Herald Examiner, primarily as a music critic with a focus on jazz. His own music career started soon thereafter, with the surrealistic funk band Was (Not Was), then various gigs as a composer and producer, working with Bob Dylan and Rickie Lee Jones among others. In a parallel universe, Weiss has been filing golf and travel stories for T&L Golf, Golfweek and The New York Times and is a regular contributor to NPR's 

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