Alcohol Alchemy: BevWizard is for Real!

I approached the demo table at a trade show recently with a healthy dose of skepticism: the BevWizard Wine Smoother could reputedly turn a glass of humble Two-Buck Chuck into a 1966 Chateau de Plateau by simply pouring the rotgut through the twist-on device. Inside its modest plastic shell, a high intensity magnetic field would "alter the structure of the tannins" to yield a softer and silkier "mouthfeel." Er, I don't know nuttin' 'bout tannins and magnets, but a before and after tasting, with and without the Smoother, was a Cheapskate Epiphany of the highest order! Hoodoo or science, this little badboy actually worked!

Next up was a hit of Jack Daniel's, which I have been known to occasionally imbibe with a healthy dose of Coke poured over it and a passel of ice cubes. The kindly booze doctor twisted on the Spirits Smoother and poured me a straight shot. Indeed it was smooth as a newborn baby's butt with a silky warm finish, and no sting! Off went the aerator/tannin blaster and another shot was poured. One sip of that and I literally looked for a place to discharge the foul concoction, like it was some corn whiskey brewed in a Tennessee outhouse!

This device, at around $30 bucks, could introduce a New Age of Alcoholism in this fine nation of ours. People who once eschewed the devil's drink will now hold out their cocktail glasses like supplicants, begging for a wee hit of No-Name, grocery store bourbon or K-Mart cognac. The Spirits Smoother works best with brown spirits, and the Wine Smoother young, tannic reds. Whatever your poison, the road to ruin just became a far less painful experience. Bottoms up, sinners!