Bob Strauss: Please, don't stop . . .
. . . or, rather, don't start again inviting people who know how to write (critics like me, in this case) to advance screenings of subliterate films.
Some of my colleagues have been complaining lately that studios are more and more refusing to schedule critics screenings of movies they figure we'll hate before their commercial release, thereby insuring no bad reviews on opening day. All I can say is, thank you studios. Any hours of my life not spent getting brain-raped by the latest leather-clad vampire rehash or Tyler Perry's self-righteous sermons are precious indeed.
This weekend, the studios have thoughtfully spared me from having to watch the two most obnoxious "comedians" in the business, Rob Schneider and David Spade, by not screening the "comedy" "Benchwarmers." I was also reprieved from that Mo'Niquelicious shoutout to the plus-sizes, "Phat Girlz." What, I'm supposed to complain about this state of affairs?
Now, I'll admit that I'm in a fairly lucky position. Due to our paper's deadline schedule, it is more feasible for us to print a wire review by some poor East Coast critic who had to run out to the first multiplex showing of "Larry the Cable Health Hazard" or "Ultravomit" or whatever than to have me attend the first paid screening out here.
I understand that this makes the job harder for people who must generate negative reviews for the weekend, and I do sympathize with them. But I'm the one blogging here, so what really only matters is how I'm affected by all this. And since I love cinema - by which I mean movies that know how to entertaining competently, as well as ones that aspire to the higher possibilities that a great, great artform can achieve - if distributors only want to show me their good movies from here on out, I'm gonna have one happy career.
Which brings me to my one complaint. Hey, studio crap guards: Learn your job! You kept me away from "Underwear: Devolution" and that animated monstrosity "Doody," but why oh why was I forced to sit through "Basic Instinct 2" and "Take the Lead" and "Failure to Launch"? I mean, those things couldn't possibly have been any better than "When a Stranger Appalls," could they?
Or have you all forgotten how to make competent entertainment entirely?
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