David Kronke: ABC, well, does what it must
Third in a series of five
ABC finds itself in a most peculiar position: While its suceeses are huge hits (“Grey’s Anatomy,� “Desperate Housewives,� “Lost,� “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition�), everything else – well, not so much. In fact, outside of “Boston Legal,� its other series look to be an impending presentation of Cancellation Playhouse. (“Invasion� and “The Evidence� appeal more to fans of inertia than of the shows themselves, as they seem to garner a tiny fraction of the viewers from their lead-in, “Lost,� and the early hopeful, “Commander In Chief,� has performed a spectacular nosedive in approval ratings that mirrors the real President’s.)
Fortunately, the network seems to sense this: It has ordered a whopping 36 pilots a – 18 comedies, 18 dramas – to consider for its 2006-07 season. Needless to say, this is extraordinarily expensive. But, if ABC is to move forward from the momentum it finally achieved last season, it’s likely necessary. And maybe, finally, maybe the network will once and for all jettison “America’s Funniest Home Videos,� which it has been using to plug holes in its schedule intermittently throughout the past decade and a half (how funny can babies falling on their butts and pets in goofy costumes accompanied by wacky sound effects be at this point, anyway?).
The network’s also losing its old standby, “Monday Night Football,� though in the end this may not be a bad thing: ABC never got any traction on Monday evenings when the football season ended in January.
Given the circumstance, it’s impossible to provide a night-by-night handicap for the network, since, in truth, everything except 8-11 p.m. Sunday, 10 p.m. Tuesday and 9 p.m. Wednesday is in desperate need of an overhaul. Both of the newsmagazine shows will return, as well, simply because it’d be impossible to plug that many new series into one fall launch.
So the best we can do is consider what ABC’s pilots sound like on paper, an iffy, unscientific and even unsavory task, at best. (For your edification, here’s the list of ABC’s development.)
“A Day in the Life� – about the disastrously comic preparations for a single wedding, played out over the course of a season – could work, as I’ve seen both a Canadian (“Married Life�) and a British series (“The Worst Week of My Life,� which, in fact, Fox is developing as a potential series) that managed the concept brilliantly, albeit in far shorter seasons. Mildly worrisome is the fact that “A Day in the Life� purports to cover just the wedding day, a la a comic “24,� but perhaps the producers have already figured that out or they’ll have lots of flashbacks.
“Girls on the Bus,� based on the experiences of Alexandra Peloski (who stitched together a couple of HBO documentaries together out of her home movies) while covering the 2000 and 2004 Presidential campaigns, might work, but you know that any actual political content will be excised (Peloski more or less did so in her films) – and whoever plays the lead character will have to be a lot less grating than Peloski herself.
“Help Me Help You,� starring Ted Danson as an unhinged psychologist leading group therapy sessions, will need to be more “The Bob Newhart Show� than “The Trouble With Normal� or “Bob Patterson;� alas, its full description leads me to believe this is not the case.
“Him and Us� is executive-produced, in part, by Elton John; it’s a sitcom about – what else? – a flamboyant, pampered rock legend and his beleaguered road manager. ABC also has an untitled sitcom about a group of thieves (led by Donal Logue) plotting to rob Mick Jagger (who would only appear occasionally); maybe they could pair them together, but shows about celebrity – even if they have celebrities in them – rarely work on broadcast TV.
“Pink Collar� is “The Office� on estrogen, and already Alicia Silverstone attached to star. (ABC’s also developing a similar-sounding hourlong series, “Sisters-in-Law.�)
Both Patricia Heaton and Heather Locklear have projects that give off suspicious echoes of “The New Adventures of Old Christine.� Bonnie Hunt would play a quipping Pasadena detective in her currently untitled pilot; given the wars she’s been through with the networks on past shows, it’s hard to say whether she’ll try to maintain her edge or just give ABC what it likely wants, another soft, pre-chewed effort.
The other sitcoms either sound utterly derivative or unworkable or merely unsustainable over the course of a series (maybe a limited series or a movie), and I’ll refrain from calling anyone out. But there seem to be an ungodly amount that involve young people examining their life choices, which I suppose is a good an indicator as any of angst in the industry.
As for the dramas, a bunch sound oddly conceptual, their narratives playing with elements of time and physics and so on and may be too serialized for their own good. No fewer than four offer variations on “The Fugitive.� Two involve young people returning to their hometowns – one is yet another of those navel-gazing life-choices shows and the other sounds kind of “Twin Peaks�-y; together, they read suspiciously like “Glory Days,� a short-lived WB series from a few years back. “Enemies,� about two former fast friends not virulently divided against one another, sounds like a variation on last year’s also short-lived Fox show “Reunion.� A few cop shows figure in there, as well.
Shonda Rhimes, creator of “Grey’s Anatomy,� is retooling an old idea that will be made brilliant if not by the revisions but by her current status as hit-maker.
One hourlong series that might work, “Men in Trees,� is a variation on “Northern Exposure:� Ann Heche (yes, her) stars as a self-help author whose engagement crashes and burns just as she gets stranded in Alaska, where, of course, there are no shortage of men seeking her attentions.
Honestly, however, the only one that might actually emerge (from its description, at least) as a genuinely ground-breaking, significant series is “A House Divided.� Here’s the description, verbatim:
“Every action results in a reaction...although some reactions are bigger than others. Today, though, could be the biggest in U.S. History. In western Kansas, farmer Tom Sampson is forced to choose between paying taxes and losing his farm. He chooses his family's farm in a stance of self-preservation. But, when his reporter cousin makes him into a local media hero for standing up to the government, Tom's seemingly small move of defiance sparks an underlying resentment among his fellow farmers. One West Point professor (Dylan McDermott: "The Practice"), closely watching the rising tension, notices similar characteristics to other world events... both historical and current day... and reasons that the United States may be facing a second civil war.�
Obviously, this thing’d have to be extraordinarily well thought-out to sustain such a provocative premise, and the dialogue would have to rise to elevated levels, as well, or it could just be a pretentious mess. McDermott’s casting is encouraging, though, and ABC could certainly do worse.
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