First Mel, now Paris

Can anybody hold their liquor in Hollywood? The latest member of the celebrity DUI club is none other than Paris Hilton, who was stopped at 12:31 a.m. early Thursday for driving her Mercedes erratically in Hollywood. Hey, since when is it news that Paris Hilton drives like crap? Well, she blew a .08 on the breathalyzer -- just kissing the limit. As America's greatest legal mind once said (and I do mean Dr. Phil), "That dog won't hunt."

Paris says she hadn't eaten all day and had a single margarita. Breakfast of champions, I say. Do any of these women know what "solid food" is?

Here's the meat from TMZ:

Paris was arrested and taken to the LAPD Hollywood division, where she was booked. The officers who stopped the car did not know it was Paris Hilton until they approached the vehicle on foot. Police sources say she was cooperative. Paris had a passenger in the car -- Kimberly Stewart, Rod Stewart's daughter.

Nicky Hilton, (Nicky's) boyfriend, "Entourage" star Kevin Connolly and her publicist Elliot Mintz arrived at the Hollywood police station just before 2 a.m. A short time later, Paris was released on her own recognizance and allowed to leave.

Hey, if your sister, publicist and art-imitating-life boyfriend-in-law can't spring your ass at 2 a.m., who can? That's a lotta love there. It makes me pine for the "Diff'rent Strokes" TV movie, nine-tenths of which I missed because ... what am I a TV critic. If David Kronke doesn't review it, I don't know about it.

Anyhow, what the world needs now (in addition to "love, sweet love") is for Mel Gibson to extend a helping hand to Ms. Hilton and start her on the uphill climb of those higher-powerful 12 steps. Maybe he can start by butterin' her up a bagel or two, along with a bowl of matzoh ball soup, know what I mean boychick?