"I Pity the Fool"

Stop what you're doing and be prepared to hear the gospel of life as lived and breathed by Mr. T.

The star of "The A-Team," and a living, breathing, cancer-surviving icon, Mr. T goes out to meet the people -- and change their lives -- in the catch-phrase-named "I Pity the Fool," premiering at 10 tonight on TV Land.

In the first episode, T goes to a New York auto dealership that's not exactly moving the metal, if you know what I mean. It's run by a man and his son-in-law -- and is there tension in that relationship? Boy is there. Add to that salesmen sleeping on the job and generally too much unproductive jibber-jabber, and it's a situation made for the motivational powers of the one and only Mr. T.

As he says, in one of his many Dan-Rather-worthy catch-phrases: "You can't spell 'success' without T."

And as Mr. T himself said in Monday's Celebrities column by Marilyn Beck and Stacy Jenel Smith: "Dr. Phil gives advice. I help people."

And help he does. First Mr. T gives a rousing motivational speech, then he sets a goal at the Nissan dealership -- sell 20 cars in 48 hours. T puts his money where his always-moving mouth is: He dons a suit and tie (with sneakers, natch) and proceeds to try and sell a car. He makes a bunch of cold calls ... but nobody believes it's Mr. T calling to sell them a car, and he gets hung up on ... a lot.

But in the face-to-in-your-face world of car sales, Mr. T makes it happen -- he gets a nice couple into a new Altima, and finds trouble with the dealership's "closer." At one point, T yells at him, "You're going to lose a deal over $35? $35? That's chump change? You can't lose a deal over $35! That's lunch for Mr. T!"

I think we all learned something there.

Meanwhile, T has other work to do -- he has to heal the relationship between father and son-in-law, motivate an entire sales force ... and help move 19 more Nissans off the lot. Can he do it? Tune in tonight, fools.