November 2006 Archives

I can barely watch KCET, let alone become a subscriber, and the reason is pledge break, when shows that would never run during regular programming intervals are carpet-bombed into prime time, along with offers of DVDs and other various and sundry crap as enticements to pledge money to the tation.

In L.A. Observed today, I learned that they played the black-and-white Roy Orbison special for probably the 200th time.

I love Roy Orbison as much as the next guy, but sheesh -- they trot out this thing every pledge drive. I am sick of it, just as I am sick of Suze Orman, Wayne Dyer, the legends of doo-wop, Irish tenors, Celtic women, Italian tenors, and all the other self-help gurus and marketing-rich musical acts that clog pledge breaks.

KCET and public television in general, listen to what I am saying (in BOLD type because I'm an angry man):

If you want me to support your programming, SHOW ME THAT PROGRAMMING -- not a bunch of canned crap that is NOT part of your regular schedule and pretty much serves as an hourlong commercial for the artist/guru/shill singing/haranguing us to please, please subscribe and get their DVD (or, more probably, forget about subscribing and get their latest gem on Amazon).

I'm serious. Public radio doesn't pull this crap. Either the on-air-talent does a regular show AND asks for you to support exactly what they're already doing, or in the case of network programming, the local talent breaks in and asks for you to support "this great NPR programming," whatever that may be. That I can get behind 100 percent.

But Suze Orman hectoring me about my spending habits? Irish tenors singing popular hits? NO. NO. NO.

Show me what you've got, public TV, not what you think the average, moneyed 60-year-old white guy feels some kind of nostalgia for (not to knock 60-year-old white guys, but the demographic targeting of PBS pledge breaks is laser focused and nauseating).

There will never be another Roy Orbison ... and that was a great show, filmed great and with a bunch of cool guests (I remember Springsteen ... the rest has been burned out of my brain). But I've seen it ... again and again. Pledge breaks, as they are currently programmed, just turn me off of PBS.

... may be Mike Darnell, the Fox programming whizbang behind O.J. Simpson's "If I Did It" special and nearly every other tacky reality programming initiative that network has dished out in the last several years. Darnell's career has survived such programming disasters as the "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?," "Married by America" (the 2003 matchmaking show which had a still-married contestant -- oops! ) and "Alien Autopsy," which rated very high among readers of those supermarket tabloids that insist Elvis is still alive.
The good news, of course, is that News Corp. took the high road (finally) and announced Monday that it is scrubbing both the two-night special scheduled for next week and the book from News Corp's own ReganBooks imprint of Harper Collins. Three cheers for all the advertisers, talking heads and regular folk who spoke up in protest of "If I Did It," in which the acquitted murder suspect details how he would have offed ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend, Ronald Goldman in 1994.
On the other hand, News Corp. is not taking an official stand on Darnell's future with the company. How much more schlock are they going to accept from this guy? Pity the stations, particularly the owned-and-operated ones like L.A.'s KTTV, who must suffer the indignity of airing his programming.

After "Dancing With the Stars" Tuesday night (Emmitt, you killed!), I got sucked into the "preview" of ABC's latest game show franchise, "Show Me the Money." With William Shatner as its host, it seemed like all I'd have to do is choose my favorite punchline. But I have to admit it grabbed me.
Could be because the first contestant, Matt Marr, the guy with the "murse" manpurse from Oklahoma who apparently had springs in his shoes, was so damned fun to watch -- in fact, way more than the "Officer and a Gentleman" wannabe who followed him.
It's got an interesting combination of quiz show, gambling and jiggle. Howie Mandel can keep his leggy models on "Deal or No Deal." These girls can dance, and do so whenever Captain Kirk orders them to.
ABC reports it attracted 12.4 million viewers in its first outing. Look for it to grow when it moves to its usual 8 p.m. slot next week.

For your perusal, the following "blind item," appeared in the N.Y. Post's Page Six column:

Which young Hollywood starlet had secret gastric bypass surgery, but then lost too much weight? During a recent four-day stint at a health clinic, she was actually having an operation to remove the bypass.

As Celebrity Warship comments:

In other news, Nicole Richie has been looking fabulous since returning from her four-day stint at a health clinic.

If this is true, it all makes sense now. Richie's ex, Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein lost about half a person with gastric bypass surgery ... and one thing often leads to another, especially in Hollywood.

This just in from AP:

A court spokeswoman says Britney Spears has filed for divorce from rapper-dancer Kevin Federline, citing irreconcilable differences.

Holy smokes! It truly is hard out there for a pimp.

UPDATE: A bit more ...

The Los Angeles County Superior Court filing cites “irreconcilable differences,�? said court spokeswoman Kathy Roberts.

Spears, 24, married rapper Kevin Federline, 28, in 2004. They have a 1-year-old son, Sean Preston, and an infant son who was born Sept. 12. The couple have not confirmed the infant’s name, which is reportedly Jayden James.

(except for Gilbert Gottfried ... but I digress). It makes "30 Rock" a must-see show (hey, on "Must-See TV," or what's left of it, anyway) for as long as it lasts. The writing is just so snarky, inside and plain funny. When Baldwin's GE exec character Jack Donaghy starts coming to the "Girly Show" writers' room so he can learn about how the show runs for his Six Sigma management routine (and I do believe that whole load of biz BS started at GE, making it even more funny, dangerous and ironic that an NBC show is spoofing it on a minute-by-minute basis), he says something like this:

Jack: "I've been doing some research on comedy, and I found this comic strip called 'Dilbert.' We should do that."

And when they're throwing out suggestions for funny kid-breakfast foods, and the goofy writer guy suggests "Fart Nuggets," causing Baldwin to crack up, he proclaims, again with a straight face:

"Fart Nuggets got the biggest laugh -- I think we should go with that."

Now I can't get past laughing my own personal ass off over the words "fart nuggets," but Baldwin's reaction is sweet, sweet icing on the comedic cake.

And the budding "relationship" between Tracy Morgan's Martin Lawrence-like comedian (also named Tracy) and the so-wet-behind-the-ears-it-hurts NBC page Kenneth is yet another nugget of comedy gold. Aside from Morgan asking the kid to a) get him "nachos ... from Yankee Stadium," and b) fetch a black-market tropical fish from Chinatown (on an NBC bicycle, no less), Morgan gives the youngster poignant relationship advice:

Tracy: Now what did I tell you were the secrets to a good relationship?

Kenneth: Be a good listener, be a giver of gifts ... and work that va-jay-jay.

First of all, they said, "va-jay-jay" on network television. (Classic Tina Fey.) I guess that's allowed. Hence my repetition of it here.

One day your ass gets canned by Sumner Redstone, the next you're running a legendary Hollywood studio. Such are the circumstances in which Tom Cruise and producing partner Paula Wagner find themselves, according to AP.

After months of rumors about hedge funds and other nefarious ways of financing future Cruise films, he now gets the keys to United Artists, the studio founded by Hollywood royalty Charlie Chaplin and Mary Pickford. So is it irony or coincidence that a studio founded by actors so they would have creative control -- and financial renumeration to go along with it -- turns to another actor who craves both said control and cash in the face of a studio system that knocked him on his can? Guess Paramount going into the dumper would put it into the irony category, but it's a bit early for that, don't you think?

Meanwhile, AP reports that the UA deal allows Cruise to make movies for other studios, so it won't jeopardize films already greenlighted that involve the mega-star.

So now that T.C. has his own real movie studio, here's my pitch: "Pulp Prophet," in which a young writer of science fiction for dimestore magazines decides to ... start his own religion and really start raking in the green. With T.C. as L. Ron, of course.

More scuttlebutt: From Defamer -- Breaking: Tom Cruise To Redstone: 'F You, I'll Get My Own Damn Studio' (featuring the complete press release).

Speculation continues on who will take over as host in the wake of Bob Barker's retirement from "The Price Is Right." According to the National Ledger (no, I've never heard of it, either), the search has been on for "two or three years," in a quote attributed to Barker himself.

Here are the names in play: MTV's "TRL" host Vanessa "I'm Dating Nick Lachey" Minnillo, new "Today" co-host and "Millionaire" referee Meredith Vieira, even Paris Hilton (don't think they're serious on that one).

On the male side, Nick Lachey himself is in the running, but the safe bets are on Richard Karn, the former "Home Improvement" sidekick who's had some game-show experience with "Family Feud." (Is that still even on?)

But according to the New York Post's Page Six, it's CBS "Early Show" weatherman Dave Price who'll get "Price" right. He's already had a tryout in front of a Craigslist-recruited live audience, the tabloid reports.

No mention of my front-runner, Doug Davidson of "The Young and the Restless," who ain't so young anymore but is probably plenty restless, having hosted a short-lived syndicated version of "Price" back in the '90s.

I'd like to offer a bold, new choice: Gilbert Gottfried. He's funny ... he's quick on his feet. And best of all, he's Gilbert F'n Gottfried!

... or so says Judi Dench in regard to Daniel Craig's, um, manhood (in a story originally from -- where else? -- Great Britain.

Not that I've heard anything, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be this guy, Doug Davidson, who has played detective Paul Williams on daytime soap "The Young and the Restless" since 1978 (that's 28 long years, my friends). Among Mr. Davidson's not-so-lengthy list of credits is "The New Price Is Right," a syndicated version (what, the Barker one isn't syndicated?) of the show that ran from 1994-95. So he already knows something about the "80 games" that comprise the "Price Is Right" canon of goofy contests in which people out of the audience vie to win those cars, appliances and Broyhill bedroom sets. (Here's a screen grab of Davidson wearing his "Price" pants a decade ago. Call him tanned, rested and ready, if you must.) The history of Davidson's "Y&R" character is as long and sordid as that of any daytime performer. Well, may not that sordid, but you don't last nearly three decades on the soaps without a little sordidity in your life (and yes, I know full well that "sordidity" is not a real word, but I'm thinking of tradmarking it).