April 2007 Archives

I'm giving a "Jeers" to whoever wrote the "Cheers & Jeers" column in the new issue of TV Guide. They give a "Jeers" to the FOX sitcom "Til Death" for "tempting fate" by casting Ted McGinley as Brad Garrett's swinging single pal.
The item goes on to state: "Just when it was starting to show life in the ratings...FOX's freshman series brought in McGinley, the "notorious kiss of death" who hastened the demise of "Happy Days," "The Love Boat" and "Dynasty." Seriously, do "Til Death's" producers want to kill their own show?"
Seriously, do you have a research department? I'm calling TV Guide out because the item conveniently forgets to mention the six seasons McGinley spent as Jefferson D'Arcy on Fox's "Married With Children." In all the 144 episodes he appeared in on that show, he managed not to kill it. Then there was three seasons as one of the principal leads on the ABC comedy "Hope & Faith" where he shared such a sweet chemistry with Faith Ford on a show that had a death sentence Friday night time slot.
Of the three series TV Guide does mention: "Happy Days" no longer had RON HOWARD..."The Love Boat" had already sailed way too many voyages; and McGinley was on "Dynasty" for just one season. I somehow think he had far less to do with that show's eventual demise than the lookalike Crystal storyline or the new Fallon, the new Steven, the new Amanda, or the Moldavia massacre.
I'm surprise TV Guide didn't blame McGinley for the cancellation of ABC's "Sports Night" on which he also appeared. Maybe they'll blame that one on Felicity Huffman in a future "Cheers & Jeers" column.

It's not often that a television writer wants to recommend a show, in writing with a byline, having seen only a clip, but it's time for an exception to the rule.
This summer CBS will reward viewers who come back inside early by showing the new American adaptation of Aardman Animations' series "Creature Comforts."
The creators of the Wallace & Gromit films and "Chicken Run" combine real man-on-the-street interview audio with stop-motion critters -- a hippo, a giraffe, a pair of caged lovebirds, whatever -- for some very funny results.
Check it out Mondays at 8, starting June 4.

I know about Sanjaya. Not that I've seen even a single minute of "American Idol" this season, because I haven't. But there' s no denying Sanjaya's media mojo -- the kid is sucking all the air out of "Idol's" overly hot psychic space.

The young Indian (can you call him Indian-American, as opposed to American Indian?) with all that hair has dominated "Idol" coverage and conversation over the past month, and while I'd never heard him, I'd certainly seen him ... in dozens and dozens of pictures running in just about every magazine, newspaper and Web site that covers such things. The Sanjaya din is so loud, I didn't even know about Haley Scarnato's infamous legs -- hell, I didn't even know there was a Haley Scarnato.

So, intrepid reporter that I am, I decide to go to the ends of the journalistic Earth to hear Sanjaya sing. It's as easy as Googling. (And what isn't?) "American Idol" is hot to sell (yes sell, as in for money) audio and video versions of the "Idol" finalists' performances, so you can enjoy them wherever you have access to your favorite media player. On the Sanjaya page, where audio tracks are 99 cents each, videos $1.99, you can hear substantial chunks of unadulterated Sanjaya, and I've got to say, while he's no Van Morrison, there's a hint of Wayne Newton (check out his "Cheek to Cheek"). Maybe Sanjaya will grace us with "Danke Schoen" this week? Probably not.

And while mention of Sanjaya's hair is followed quickly by reports of his lack of ability when it comes to singing, as long as he's not a tone-deaf William Hung, what's the problem? On the clips I heard, Sanjaya does sing in tune -- and if he can be on key some of the time, modern studio magic can take care of the rest. The kid is no Michael Jackson, or even Justin Tiimberlake, but Sanjaya can get his little butt up there, shake that head of hair and sing the bloody song.

Sanjaya may just be a blank, follically endowed slate upon which America's pre-teen girls inscribe their adolescent boy-man dreams (Taylor Hicks was and is NOT that guy, nor are Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard). And if the whole longhaired package has America dialing in to the "Idol" phone lines, why shouldn't Sanjaya win? The Earth will continue to spin on its axis, Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest will continue teasing each other with quasi-gay innuendo (I have the worst gaydar in both Christendom and Jewishdom and can't really tell who's what), Paula Abdul will continue to be our 3-year-old's favorite dance teacher (those "Sesame Street" videos have legs for DECADES), I will probably not watch "Idol," and we will all live in a Sanjaya nation, because he's as American as Neil Diamond -- and that's pretty gosh-darned American. Maybe he'll sing "Coming to America" on the next "Idol." Probably not.

The single best episode of reality television I've seen all year (and I've seen a lot) is the second of three Gene-and-Shannon-get-face-lifts episodes of "Gene Simmons Family Jewels," which shows, yes, the reality of gettting an 11-hour cosmetic surgery ("His skin is so thick, it's like a hide," the surgeon says at one point) -- and wife/Playboy Playmate Shannon Tweed's went so badly, causing so much pain, that the cameras didn't even follow her.

Why these two decided on getting his-and-hers face lifts isn't beside the point, but it was dealt with on an earlier episode, with the decision to undergo a major surgical procedure treated with a lot more levity than is the aftermath of said surgeries in what I saw, "Episode 18: Face Off," which first aired this past Sunday but is slated to run again at 9:30 p.m. April 22 on A&E.

I saw the show on a press DVD, and since I don't have cable, I guess I've missed the last 50 or so real-life surgery shows on the Discovery Channel, and I'd never seen a face lift actually been done before when the doc began slicing KISS bassist Gene Simmons from temple to chin, flapping his "hide" over some kind of surgical contraption for later reattachment somewhere else on his aged cranium.

I had to look away several times, since I'm not the kind of person who wouldn't faint at the actual sight of such copious amounts of blood and hanging flesh. Here's some "uncut and raw" surgery video deemed "too graphic for TV," although I can't imagine what they didn't show (and I won't be watching this clip, as I just ate lunch).

Gene seemed pretty much devoid of pain (due to effective medication), except when they removed (again, on camera) the plastic drain tubing (yes, filled with blood and other "fluids" emanating from his noggin) on both sides of his head. He looked like he'd been beaten up ... in prison. Son Nick compared him to Mr. Miyagi (the late Pat Morita) from the "Karate Kid" movies ... but I think he looked more like an overly puffy William Shatner (sorry Bill -- I'll pick up the check next time we're doing lunch at Nate 'n' Al's).

After a few days of recovery, during which Simmons' sense of humor (pure Borscht Belt for this New York Jew) didn't leave him (but shit, it looks pretty freakin' painful), he was driven home, where son Nick and daughter Sophie saw him all bandanged and banged up. Sophie, who's somewhere around 15, didn't take it well at all, and that's where the episode ended.

Meanwhile, Shannon hadn't yet come home, her complications and pain being too severe.

So even though I think Gene Simmons is certifiably crazy, I give him points for putting his crazy up close and up front on "Gene Simmons Family Jewels." This episode was better than the one last season when Gene helped collect bull semen at the ranch he invested in.

Take this away from "Gene Simmons Family Jewels": Plastic surgery is painful, bloody, nasty, brutish but not short.

"Episode 19 -- Stir Crazy" airs 9 p.m. Sunday, April 15 and 1 a.m. Monday, April 16
Description from A&E: A bruised and weary Shannon returns home. Wrapped head to toe and heavily sedated, she and Gene begin recuperating at opposite ends of their 16,000 square foot mansion and drive the whole family crazy in the process. Nick and Sophie enlist crazy Aunt Tracy to rescue them while Gene defies doctor's orders, pushing Shannon over the edge and jeopardizing their recovery.

"Episode 17 -- Nice Day for a Face Lift" airs 9:30 p.m. Sunday, April 15 and 1:30 a.m. Monday, April 16
Description from A&E: Our cameras document every moment of Gene and Shannon's dual cosmetic surgeries. We are by their side as they kiss the kids goodbye, get prepped for their procedures and are put under anesthesia.

"Episode 14 -- Under the Knife" airs 6 p.m. Sunday, April 22.
Description: Moments away from getting his facelift, Gene receives a call telling him the KISS publicity tour has been rescheduled. While he hops a plane to New York, Aunt Tracy takes Nick on an embarrassing shopping spree to get a pregnancy test for Shannon. Right before a live appearance on MTV's TRL, Gene realizes his Demon costume has gone missing, sending the hotel's assistant manager on a mad dash to recover 30 years of history and make sure Gene gets to his live TV show on time.

"Episode 18 -- Face Off" airs 9:30 p.m. Sunday, April 22 and 1:30 a.m. Monday, April 23
Description from A&E: Gene and Shannon undergo over 8 hours of surgery. The procedures go smoother for Gene than for Shannon, who has a much harder time post surgery and must be hospitalized longer than expected. Meanwhile, Gene returns home and has a very emotional and upsetting reunion with Nick and Sophie.

Photo: Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed just before their face lifts (Photo from A&E)

Yes, Adam Shankman was perhaps a little bit over the top, bouncing on those front row theater seats at the Clarity Screening Room before introducing some "Frankentrailer" footage of his new movie-musical "Hairspray."

"The movies I usually make are about baby pooh," said the director of "The Pacifier" and "Cheaper by the Dozen 2." "This is a huge deal for me."

Then the footage rolled, the song and dance began, and you could kind of get the guy's enthusiasm. "Hairspray," based on the Broadway musical which was itself based on the John Waters movie, concerns a pudgy teen-ager Tracy Turnblad in 1960s Baltimore who is looking to integrate the local TV dance show.

John Travolta (in the role formerly played by Divine) looks recognizably Travolta-esque (plus sized version) as Tracy's mother, Edna. Yes, he dances, sings and looks wistfully at large plates of food. Christopher Walken is Tracy's prank shop owner father (he and Travolta share a cheek peck). Queen Latifah should be a scream as record store owner Motormouth Maybelle.

Michelle Pfeiffer (and where the heck has she been for the last five years?) is the evil mother looking to keep the Corny Collins Show lily white. And newbie Nikki Blonski is Tracy. She sings the final bars of the opening number "Good Morning Baltimore" riding atop a garbage truck.

There was a rumor somewhere that original writer/director Waters has a cameo as a flasher. Rikki Lake (the original Tracy Turnblad) should show up as well.

The John Waters musical hit parade continues this winter as the La Jolla Playhouse musicalizes Waters' "Cry-Baby." Someone figures to put a few bars to "Pink Flamingos" any day now.