Why Sanjaya can -- and will -- win "American Idol"

I know about Sanjaya. Not that I've seen even a single minute of "American Idol" this season, because I haven't. But there' s no denying Sanjaya's media mojo -- the kid is sucking all the air out of "Idol's" overly hot psychic space.

The young Indian (can you call him Indian-American, as opposed to American Indian?) with all that hair has dominated "Idol" coverage and conversation over the past month, and while I'd never heard him, I'd certainly seen him ... in dozens and dozens of pictures running in just about every magazine, newspaper and Web site that covers such things. The Sanjaya din is so loud, I didn't even know about Haley Scarnato's infamous legs -- hell, I didn't even know there was a Haley Scarnato.

So, intrepid reporter that I am, I decide to go to the ends of the journalistic Earth to hear Sanjaya sing. It's as easy as Googling. (And what isn't?) "American Idol" is hot to sell (yes sell, as in for money) audio and video versions of the "Idol" finalists' performances, so you can enjoy them wherever you have access to your favorite media player. On the Sanjaya page, where audio tracks are 99 cents each, videos $1.99, you can hear substantial chunks of unadulterated Sanjaya, and I've got to say, while he's no Van Morrison, there's a hint of Wayne Newton (check out his "Cheek to Cheek"). Maybe Sanjaya will grace us with "Danke Schoen" this week? Probably not.

And while mention of Sanjaya's hair is followed quickly by reports of his lack of ability when it comes to singing, as long as he's not a tone-deaf William Hung, what's the problem? On the clips I heard, Sanjaya does sing in tune -- and if he can be on key some of the time, modern studio magic can take care of the rest. The kid is no Michael Jackson, or even Justin Tiimberlake, but Sanjaya can get his little butt up there, shake that head of hair and sing the bloody song.

Sanjaya may just be a blank, follically endowed slate upon which America's pre-teen girls inscribe their adolescent boy-man dreams (Taylor Hicks was and is NOT that guy, nor are Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard). And if the whole longhaired package has America dialing in to the "Idol" phone lines, why shouldn't Sanjaya win? The Earth will continue to spin on its axis, Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest will continue teasing each other with quasi-gay innuendo (I have the worst gaydar in both Christendom and Jewishdom and can't really tell who's what), Paula Abdul will continue to be our 3-year-old's favorite dance teacher (those "Sesame Street" videos have legs for DECADES), I will probably not watch "Idol," and we will all live in a Sanjaya nation, because he's as American as Neil Diamond -- and that's pretty gosh-darned American. Maybe he'll sing "Coming to America" on the next "Idol." Probably not.