Music: June 2006 Archives

Tonight at Los Feliz’s Skylight Books, Tom Reynolds presented one of the more entertaining book readings I’ve attended. Promoting his book “I Hate Myself and Want to Die: The 52 Most Depressing Songs You’ve Ever Heard,�? Reynolds offered up a hilarious multi-media extravaganza featuring passages from his book, actress Jennifer Coolidge (who makes the most of her scenes in Christopher Guest’s movies and almost managed to make “Joey�? seem amusing) and a young vocalist named Cara, who managed to make the wretched palatable.

If Reynolds' “reading�? was funny, you can just imagine what the book’s like. Obviously, since I just got the book tonight (“Thanks for coming out and enjoying the doom,�? Reynolds signed it), I haven’t read the whole thing, but his take on Celine Dion’s cover of Eric Carmen’s “All By Myself�? almost single-handedly justifies the cover price ($12.95, from Hyperion, by the way).

“Her remake of Carmen’s song is the audio equivalent of the bombing of Dresden,�? Reynolds writes. “In fact, had she been around in 1944, the Allies could’ve skipped the D-Day invasion and just dropped her off at Omaha Beach with a PA system so she could sing ‘All By Myself’ until the German infantry bayoneted themselves.�?

(Fun fact: “I Hate Myself and Want to Die�? was what Elizabeth Wurtzel originally wanted to entitle her first book, until she realized she could become the Voice of a Generation by naming it “Prozac Nation.�?)

Reynolds divvies the tunes up into sundry categories, the worst of which he deems “Perfect Storms,�? “the audio equivalent of a Donner Party guide loudly insisting he knows the way through the pass.�?

You could probably guess a lot of the songs that appear here: Janis Ian’s “At Seventeen,�? for example, which, Reynolds explains, “relates how, at age 17, Ms. Ian made the startling discovery that physically attractive people are more popular than unattractive people. At 18, she found out that gravity makes things fall.�? Or Dan Fogelberg’s “Same Old Lang Syne:�? “I’ve heard it played at (a long laundry list of department stores). Hearing Dan Fogelberg songs reminds me of buying socks.�? Treacle-meisters Barry Manilow, Harry Chapin and Mariah Carey are also toasted.

But Reynolds also trashes revered artists, as well. On Bruce Springsteen’s “The River:�? “Frankly, I’d rather drag my scalp over a cheese grater than listen to it again. … Just once I’d love to hear Bruce sing about somebody getting plastered on Cristal and driving a Bentley into a swimming pool.�? On Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb:�? “If there ever was a recording that could substitute for Demerol, this is the one.�?

At tonight’s reading, Reynolds, at protracted length, amusingly trashed The Doors’ “The End.�? “All you need is a D-minor chord and a lead singer who’s loaded up on LSD,�? he declared, adding that the song is “music you’d listen to while changing religions.�?

Interestingly, one attendee at the event was wearing a Jim Morrison T-shirt. I watched him closely while Reynolds made mincemeat of his idol. He was laughing as much as anybody.

Afterwards, Reynolds told me he listened to 10,000 songs while preparing his book (though he tended to favor better-known songs over more obscure, more soul-draining tunes). Nonetheless, there’s an iPod you'll want to steer clear of.

The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce says Sean "Diddy" Combs is among those who will be honored in the coming year with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. One problem: What version of his name will they use -- Sean, Sean John, Puffy, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy? And will whatever he designates be the last name he's known by? Face it - the guy's had more aliases than a Valerie Plame colleague. Maybe they should just skip the brass-and-granite thing and bring in a really good chalk artist instead.

David Sefton, the witty and charismatic programmer of UCLA Live, unveiled the 2006-07 season Monday night at Royce Hall.

Sefton's song-and-dance is entertaining unto itself, a kind of salesmanship-as-performance-art. He was addressing both longtime subscribers and the art-world barnacles that are the media. He was pitching avant-garde theater, dance and opera performances, as well as more familiar, if still rarefied, pop experiences.

Sefton, originally from England, has what many would consider a dream job. He travels the planet in search of cutting-edge performances, then brings them (sometimes, after protracted negotiations) to Los Angeles.

His enthusiasm can be infectious, though while selling many of the productions on next season's slate, a familiar refrain emerged: "This is the one." "This is a must-see." "This is the big one. "Yet another unmissable thing."

After a while, he reminded me of the emails I receive from descarga.com, a New-York-based distributor of Latin music, in which every CD and DVD reviewed is "highly recommended" or "very highly recommended." If a recording has the bad luck to be merely "recommended," then you know it's a chunk of crap.

Some of the things Sefton was particularly high on: "The Peony Pavillion," from China's Suzhou Kun Opera of Jiangsu Province, a nine-hour opera spread over three nights ("You don't have to see it all," Sefton insisted, to everyone in attendances' relief); Mabou Mines' "Dollhouse," an iteration of the Ibsen play with all male parts played by midgets (No --I'm not making this up); STO Union's "Recent Experiences," in which a Canadian experimental-theater troupe performs a show about several generations of a family traipsing through the 20th century, encircled by a table at which the (very limited) audience (only 70 a performance) sits; and "Slava's Snowshow," a Russian clown show boasting a "snowstorm" that nearly blinds the audience. (This one, truth be told, looked pretty cool; it'll run from December through early January.)

Some of the things we mere mortals might find of interest: Woody Allen will finally bring his jazz band beyond the environs of that New York dinner club for a show on Dec. 16. Lucinda Williams will perform with her poet laureate father Miller on Nov. 30. Perla Batalla will host an evening of Leonard Cohen songs reconfigured as gospel raves, performed by Kris Kristofferson, Bill Frisell, Don Was and a host of others, on Feb. 24, 2007. "Doonesbury" creator Garry Trudeau will meet his public on Oct. 25. And Brian Wilson will present the only 40th-anniversary tribute to the Beach Boys' classic "Pet Sounds" on Nov. 1.

After introducing this schedule, Sefton took questions from the audience. Someone asked him what percentage of the UCLA Live 2006-07 schedule represented his theater experiences while traversing the planet. A mere five percent at best, Sefton answered -- "95 percent I didn't book -- and, boy, do you owe me!"

During this week in which the Senate, as expected, dithered to no real end over adding an Amendment to the Constitution denying gays the right to get married (does your own marriage feel a little less stable because of this?), I stumbled (clumsy oaf that I am) upon both a pop song and a short story dealing directly with the issue, both more gracefully than our hired hands in Washington.

T Bone Burnett's "Blinded by the Darkness," off his new album "The True False Identity," argues against the Amendment in terms that its proponents can understand:

"Do we want to inject the concept of sin/Into the Constitution/Is this really necessary/Does this not make you somewhat wary/Shouldn't sin be left to the laws of God/And to the laws of Nature/Can we trust this to the legislature"

Burnett, a liberal Christian (best known as a producer -- he won the Best Album Grammy for the "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" soundtrack, and produced arguably both Los Lobos and Elvis Costello's best albums), does here refer to homosexuality as a "sin," but I think that's more to make his point to those with whom he's debating, and anyway, "Should lifestyle choice be left to the laws of God" doesn't have the same zip. He continues:

"If sin were dealt with by the laws of man/everybody would be in jail for life"

Meanwhile, George Saunders, author of the hilarious short-story collections "Civil War Land in Bad Decline" and "Pastoralia," offers these amusingly unhinged thoughts in "My Amendment," an epistle in his new book "In Persuasion Nation:"

"In the town where I live, I have frequently observed a phenomenon I have come to think of Samish-Sex Marriage. Take, for example, 'K,' a male friend of mine, of slight build, with a ponytail. 'K' is married to 'S,' a tall, stocky female with extremely short hair, almost a crew cut. Often, while watching 'K' play with his own ponytail as 'S' towers over him, I have wondered, Isn't it odd that this somewhat effeminate man should be married to this somewhat masculine woman? Is 'K' not, at some level, imperfectly expressing a slight latent desire to be married to a man? And is not 'S,' at some level, imperfectly expressing a slight latent desire rot be married to a woman?
"Then I ask myself, Is this truly what God had in mind? ...
"I, for one, am sick and tired of this creeping national tendency to let certain types of people take advantage of our national good nature by marrying individuals who are essentially of their own gender."

Taken together, Burnett and Saunders have found clever ways of reframing the debate and making those advocating a Constitutional Amendment look even more foolish. Kudos to them.

(By the way, Burnett will perform at the El Rey Theatre June 20; Saunders appeared recently at Skylight Books in Los Feliz.)