Barack Obama is wrong. John McCain does get it. Marry a former beauty queen and offer her up at Biker Woodstock as a contestant in a Miss Hog Wild contest; pick a runner-up in a beauty pageant for your Veep and you too can be a leader of free men in the never-ending battle of the sexes. John McCain gets it. If it’s all about tradition. If tradition trumps change in the privacy of the voting booth.
We’re not supposed to like beauty pageants anymore because they’re degrading to women. Politically correct shineola from the liberal lambchops who infiltrate cable news networks (mostly men). Anything traditional — especially if men like it — is old-fashioned. Stone Age mentality? You bet Jurassic. George W. was looking like he was macho’s last stand, but John M. makes W look like … well … Obama. M just may be your stereotypical dirty old man. The Hugh Hefner of politics (they’re almost the same age.) Only diff: M is also attracted to the brains and savvy to go along with the toot sweet. Wife Cindy looks like a Barbie Doll, but she’s sitting pretty on a $100M inheritance that could make anybody forget how many houses they own.
As for VP pick Governor Sarah — she’s an AK-47-packin’ mama who brings home the bacon, pops out a kid ever few years, hunts, fishes, snowmobiles and even wanted to be an ESPN sportscaster, for Jeter’s sake!. Her favorite main course is anything on the endangered species list. What more can a traditional male ask for in a woman? OK, so she sounds like Frances McDormand’s character in the movie “Fargo.” Question: “Governor, do you think we can win the war in Iraq? Answer: “You bet’cha!”
The country loves her already — W’s cable news network Fox News turned into Fox Swoons over the Palin pick. “She’s got more experience than Obama,” chortled every Cheneyite they could rustle up to fill an hour. Governor — of Alaska. As one pundit put it: “Alaska: population San Bernardino.” The VP is president of the Senate. Joe Biden’s been in the Senate since 1972. He should have a Biden moment and say something like, “I got your executive experience right here, Xena!” Of course, Biden has in waiting the obious debate comeback if Palin mentions Hillary Clinton: “Governor, I know Hillary Clinton … I worked with Hillary Clinton …” you know the procedure.
It’s obvious M picked Palin to get those Hillary holdouts. But to think women would vote for her just because she was born with a woo-woo is pandering and condescending — staples of American politics that often works. As for Palin’s unmarried pregnant daughter — off limits. But the GOP God Squad acts like it’s the immaculate conception (at least she’s going to have the kid and marry young Scooter, for Falwell’s sake!) Had this been a Dem candidate’s daughter, the Religious Right and the Fox trotters would be comparing it to Rosemary’s Baby.
It’s only politics, my fellow citizens. And now that W the Yale Cowboy is close to heading for his home on the range, M the traditional maverick is back in the saddle again. A new vim and vigor. A young hot babe by his side. 72 is the new, what, 65? M may not be W’s evil twin, but they are both comic goldmines. During the Hurricane Gustav political photo op, M tried to hit a bipartisan note but instead trumpeted “It’s time for us to act as Americans, not Republicans.”
If only Obama was that funny.