It’s the time of the season for sports lovin’, fellow goombahs. The NFL is on and the baseball playoffs are a few dozen double-headers away.
NFL SURE BETS
1. No team will go undefeated, the G-men won’t repeat, California teams will suck, and the Patriots will still be jerks.
2. Peyton Manning will be in every other TV commercial. Brother Eli will be his back-up in some (even though Eli won the Super Bowl last year, he’s still not Madison Avenue savvy.)
3. Brett Favre’s J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets drama has been overdone more than brats at a tailgate party — but it will drag on until he’s either benched or injured — or the team has a losing streak longer than O.J.’s been searching for the real killers.
4. Worst move as it pertains to the NFL: HBO wussed out and sacked the premiere prime time football gabfest “Inside the NFL.” The powers that be over at HBO apparently thought it wasn’t pandering enough to its Lifetime or Bravo channel surfers. It’s not HBO anymore; it’s TV, sports fans.
5. Best move as it pertains to the NFL: Showtime picked up “Inside the NFL.” The network of “The L Word,” “Weeds” and “Dexter” continues to show some spine.
6. Enhancing the agenda: Watch how TV networks try to penalize NFL fandemonium by continuing its ad blitz promoting male inferiority with Viagra ads. What that product represents is the ultimate in male inferiority. The latest Madison Avenue crusade downgrading the male of the species — this time in an arena where he’s most comfortable.
YOU CAN’T BEAT FUN AT THE OL’ BALLPARK:
It’s been 100 years since the Cubs won the World Series. Put in perspective that’s four years before the Titanic sank and 6 years before the start of World War I. So this is their year, right? They have the best record in the National League — in September, no less.
So when does the other cleat drop? When does the jinx present itself? Who will be blamed this time — a black cat, or some poor shlump who was in the wrong place at the right time? ‘Sweet’ Lou Piniella is NL manager of the year, no brainer. But even he’s no anecdote for the curse.
The Cubs will hang on and make it to the playoffs — as a wild card. In Game 7 of the championship series against the NL Central champ Brewers, the Cubs will be ahead by one in the bottom of the ninth. There will be two outs with men on second and third. A fly ball will be hit to left, Alfonso Soriano will get a glove on it but run into one of the lunch meat Brewer mascots, thus knocking it out of his glove, scoring the tying and winning runs. Sound far-fetched. Not if you’re a long-suffering Cubs fan.
Catching some Rays: The other great story in baseball this season is the American League Tampa Bay Rays (they used to be called the Devil Rays, but they got religion, exorcised the beast, and now they’re winning games. But that doesn’t prevent ESPN’s mancrush on the Yankees. Even when the Bronx Bombers are losing, ESPN looks through pinstripe-colored glasses over what’s really on deck. It’s not an East Coast bias — it’s East Coast arrogance — a tag news networks (out of The Big Apple) applies to L.A.
Neither the Rays nor the Cubs will make it to the World Series this year, goombahs. But take heart Rays fans out there (know any?) They’ll win a World Series before the Cubs will.
For Cubs fans, it’s wait until next century.
Take one for the team: Enough already with these obnoxious, sometimes rabid, sports fans who bleed the colors of their teams and say squat like “we won a big one today” or “we’re going all the way this year.” Not the editorial we in this case — more like the “i coulda been a contender” we. Ya, like they’d ever have a shot. These same guys never take the blame for losses. You never hear “we really sucked today” or “we don’t deserve to be in the playoffs.”
Take one for the team, guys — right in the Spaldings.