Crazy like on Fox

Sean Insanity of Fox Swoons is interviewing Sarah Palin on Tuesday. Are you for real? He’ll be tossing so many softball questions at her he’ll have to throw underhand. Insanity — actually, it’s Hannity — is so far to the right, Stom Thurmond is in hell saying, “Whoa! That’s a bit much.” He actually has the scrote to call a second show he does for Fox called “Hannity’s America.” That’s where everybody agrees with what he pontificates. In Insanity’s America there is nary a minority, but rather a lot of white God-fearin’ Republican Christians — some missing teeth — who all live in militia states. Insanity is so wrapped up in himself, there’s no room for the American flag.

Here’s the way the interview with Palin may go:

Insanity: Governor, let’s clear one thing up right away. You knew all along what the Bush Doctrine is, right?

Palin: You bet’cha! I was just testing Charlie Gibson to see if he knew.

Insanity: And did he?

Palin: Sure — only because he had it written down on a card and could read from it.

Insanity: President Ronald Reagan is my personal hero. I’m sure he’s yours too.

Palin: Golly gee, yes. He protected us, y’know. Do you remember when Geraldine Ferraro ran against him as the first woman VP and the President said there’d be a woman vice president but she’ll be a Republican? He was talkin’ about me!

Insanity: Makes you believe God is listening, doesn’t it?

Palin: From God’s lips to my ears, Sean.

Insanity: Don’t you think President Reagan’s image should be on Mt. Rushmore?

Palin: Hokey-smokes, yes! And let’s not stop there. Let’s put his image on that other mountain — you know, the one with Jefferson, Lincoln, Roosevelt, and that other guy.

Insanity: Uh, Washington.

Palin: No, I think it’s in Montana someplace.

Insanity: Moving on, Sen. McCain must’ve been very impressed with you after only one meeting.

Palin: And I thought it was my moose stew.

Insanity: He tried your stew? I bet he loved it.

Palin: Uh-huh, uh-huh! He had a second helpin’!

Insanity: I bet he washed it down with a Budweiser.

Palin: We don’t have beer in the house because, you know, Todd has a problem. Sen. McCain had water. I whipped up some Kool-Aid, but he wouldn’t drink it.

Insanity: You’re an instant celebrity. How’s that make you feel?

Palin: Isn’t it more exciting than talkin’ about issues? If you want style over substance, I’m your gal.

Insanity: And isn’t it about time. Your appeal to conservatives was a grand slam. Did you expect that much enthusiasm that fast?

Palin: I wasn’t worried — seeing me in fatigues with an AK-47 beats Hillary Clinton in pantsuits any day.

Insanity: That’s for sure. What’s your take on Obama? You know he’s dangerous, probably a Muslim, his wife hates America, he associates with terrorists and he’s under the spell of a crazy preacher.

Palin: What more can I add to that, Sean? I will say one good thing about Sen. Obama — he’s not as uppity as some people have suggested.

Insanity: Can you believe he supported a bill to teach sex to kids in kindergarten?

Palin: Jeepers what a creepers! I wouldn’t want my daughters learning about sex in kindergarten.

Insanity: I don’t happen to agree, but the liberal bias news media thinks you’ll be torn to shreds by Joe Biden in the debates.

Palin: I’m a fighter, Sean — a hockey mom who knows how to play the game. I won’t blink. And when I throw punches, I won’t be throwing like a girl.

Insanity and Palin (in unison): That would be Obama!

Insanity: The left said you were sarcastic about Obama’s time as a community organizer. I don’t happen to agree. Do you have community organizers in Alaska?

Palin: Oh sure.

Insanity: Obviously they don’t have as many responsibilities as a mayor. What do they do?

Palin: They clean up the moose poop.

Insanity: When you’re vice president — as I’m sure you will be because I think picking you put Sen. McCain over the top — will you be like Dick Cheney? I know that’s a lofty goal — he being a man with great insight.

Palin: Just because I wear glasses, Sean, doesn’t mean I don’t have vision. I’ll be the same independent, secure gal who will do anything President McCain tells me to do.

Insanity: I’ve had a wonderful time. Will you come back again?

Palin: Sure. How about the next 50 days or so?

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