Sean Insanity of Fox Swoons is interviewing Sarah Palin on Tuesday. Are you for real? He’ll be tossing so many softball questions at her he’ll have to throw underhand. Insanity — actually, it’s Hannity — is so far to the right, Stom Thurmond is in hell saying, “Whoa! That’s a bit much.” He actually has the scrote to call a second show he does for Fox called “Hannity’s America.” That’s where everybody agrees with what he pontificates. In Insanity’s America there is nary a minority, but rather a lot of white God-fearin’ Republican Christians — some missing teeth — who all live in militia states. Insanity is so wrapped up in himself, there’s no room for the American flag.
Here’s the way the interview with Palin may go:
Insanity: Governor, let’s clear one thing up right away. You knew all along what the Bush Doctrine is, right?
Palin: You bet’cha! I was just testing Charlie Gibson to see if he knew.
Insanity: And did he?
Palin: Sure — only because he had it written down on a card and could read from it.
Insanity: President Ronald Reagan is my personal hero. I’m sure he’s yours too.
Palin: Golly gee, yes. He protected us, y’know. Do you remember when Geraldine Ferraro ran against him as the first woman VP and the President said there’d be a woman vice president but she’ll be a Republican? He was talkin’ about me!
Insanity: Makes you believe God is listening, doesn’t it?
Palin: From God’s lips to my ears, Sean.
Insanity: Don’t you think President Reagan’s image should be on Mt. Rushmore?
Palin: Hokey-smokes, yes! And let’s not stop there. Let’s put his image on that other mountain — you know, the one with Jefferson, Lincoln, Roosevelt, and that other guy.
Insanity: Uh, Washington.
Palin: No, I think it’s in Montana someplace.
Insanity: Moving on, Sen. McCain must’ve been very impressed with you after only one meeting.
Palin: And I thought it was my moose stew.
Insanity: He tried your stew? I bet he loved it.
Palin: Uh-huh, uh-huh! He had a second helpin’!
Insanity: I bet he washed it down with a Budweiser.
Palin: We don’t have beer in the house because, you know, Todd has a problem. Sen. McCain had water. I whipped up some Kool-Aid, but he wouldn’t drink it.
Insanity: You’re an instant celebrity. How’s that make you feel?
Palin: Isn’t it more exciting than talkin’ about issues? If you want style over substance, I’m your gal.
Insanity: And isn’t it about time. Your appeal to conservatives was a grand slam. Did you expect that much enthusiasm that fast?
Palin: I wasn’t worried — seeing me in fatigues with an AK-47 beats Hillary Clinton in pantsuits any day.
Insanity: That’s for sure. What’s your take on Obama? You know he’s dangerous, probably a Muslim, his wife hates America, he associates with terrorists and he’s under the spell of a crazy preacher.
Palin: What more can I add to that, Sean? I will say one good thing about Sen. Obama — he’s not as uppity as some people have suggested.
Insanity: Can you believe he supported a bill to teach sex to kids in kindergarten?
Palin: Jeepers what a creepers! I wouldn’t want my daughters learning about sex in kindergarten.
Insanity: I don’t happen to agree, but the liberal bias news media thinks you’ll be torn to shreds by Joe Biden in the debates.
Palin: I’m a fighter, Sean — a hockey mom who knows how to play the game. I won’t blink. And when I throw punches, I won’t be throwing like a girl.
Insanity and Palin (in unison): That would be Obama!
Insanity: The left said you were sarcastic about Obama’s time as a community organizer. I don’t happen to agree. Do you have community organizers in Alaska?
Palin: Oh sure.
Insanity: Obviously they don’t have as many responsibilities as a mayor. What do they do?
Palin: They clean up the moose poop.
Insanity: When you’re vice president — as I’m sure you will be because I think picking you put Sen. McCain over the top — will you be like Dick Cheney? I know that’s a lofty goal — he being a man with great insight.
Palin: Just because I wear glasses, Sean, doesn’t mean I don’t have vision. I’ll be the same independent, secure gal who will do anything President McCain tells me to do.
Insanity: I’ve had a wonderful time. Will you come back again?
Palin: Sure. How about the next 50 days or so?