Shucks and awe

President Bush was set to address the nation tonight on the $700 Billion bailout to rescue the ailing economy. You remember President Bush — the guy America elected twice because he was the one they’d most like to have a beer with. Well, now that he’s driven the nation to drink, we’re supposed to believe whatever he says is going to sober us up. Bush is not the most calming figure you want addressing this crisis — especially since bombing Wall Street is out of the question. The best he could get out of this speech will be to see his popularity “surge” to 30 percent.

FDR’s indelible words were “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” The Bush presidency’s was “We have nothing but fear itself.”

While we’re on the subject of scary, Halloween came early Tuesday when VP Dick Cheney went to the Hill to weigh in on the financial meltdown. He was avoided like the plague — and that was by Republicans, who didn’t want to be associated with Nosferatu’s old tricks. To the Democrats, it was a treat: anytime Cheney is seen in public is a reminder to voters that the other party should be in power. Cheney seen in public — and during the day. Maybe he isn’t Count Dracula after all. Or just maybe Cheney’s undisclosed location is in need of a mortgage bailout.


John McCain pulled another rabbit out of his hat today when he said he was suspending his campaign to go to Washington to fight the good fight against this war on the economy front. He also said that he and Barack Obama should cancel their debate on Friday, due to the crisis. Was McCain showing leadership, or was it just political gamesmanship? Either way it was a smart move. One Obama should’ve made first. But if it was Obama who came up with this political maneuver, he would’ve been called out as a chicken — afraid to debate McCain. Another Democrat who cuts and runs. Either way, Obama would’ve lost on this one. It remains to see what happens, but this bold stroke by McCain may see him “surge” ahead in the polls.


Day two of the U.N. under siege by Gov. Sarah Palin. The GOPVP nominee met with world leaders on Wednesday and former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger on Tuesday. There are still world leaders who haven’t heard her broken record about the Bridge to Nowhere. You can bet she’ll contain herself from telling foreign leaders that the exodus will be to Alaska when the Rapture occurs. She’ll be mum about her preacher problem (like the news media) — a zealot who successfully orchestrated a witch hunt when he was in Kenya. Or that he laid hands on Palin and spoke through God to get her elected governor. And while the leaders she meets will speak in foreign languages, you can bet she won’t speak to them in tongues.

Fox Swoons laid flowers at her feet as she stood toe-to-toe with them dern feriners. MSNBC looked for missteps — or anyway to trip her up. One caveat: The media was persona non grata with Palin. Photo ops only. So MSNBC’s Andrea Mitchell, as she often does, took the opportunity to work Hillary Clinton’s name into the conversation. Actually, Hillary was to attend the same meetings with foreign dignitaries — until she found out Palin would also be there. So Hillary bowed out — seemingly trying to avoid mass hysteria for a presummed catfight. Meouch! As it were, Clinton believed she was duped. Victimized again. Leave Hillary alone!

So Palin had the spotlight to herself. And Kissinger being Kissinger couldn’t avoid sharing it with her. Since the media was fed chum — a 23-second soundbite — here’s what they might have missed:

Palin: Wow! I never thought I’d ever meet the real Dr. Strangelove.

Kissinger: Tank you, Sar-ahh. I admire the fact dat you can see Russia from your backyard.

Palin: Hokey smokes — you do sound just like Ahh-nold!

Kissinger: I tink it’s wonderful dat a woman will be vice president.

Palin: Ya, for a while anyway. Tell me what it’s like to run the White House. I can learn a lot from you — Jews are so smart!

Kissinger: Ah, being Jewish has na-ting to do vit it.

Palin: Obviously you’ve never spent much time in Alaska.

Kissinger: If dere’s one ting you could ask me about foreign policy, vat would dat be?

Palin: If it’s not working, can I put it on eBay?

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