Not speaking their minds

Expect some really nasty McCain-approved messages about Obama this week. It’s retaliation for McCain’s less-than-stellar performance in that first presidential debate. The first indication his camp was secretly not impressed was the fact VP candidate Sarah Palin wasn’t spinning during the aftermath (they don’t even trust her with that, apparently.) Joe Biden was, as usual, not at a loss for words. Also, the day after, Obama and Biden were on the stump and Obama was about as fired up as he could get — booming with confidence and optimism. McCain was not on the campaign trail. Oh, ya, he was in Washington saving the nation from the financial meltdown (“I’ll let history judge if I had anything to do with solving this crisis,” he said on Sunday talk shows.)

Obama didn’t land any K.O. punches at the debate, but since he went the distance with the so-called foreign policy champ, he won it on rounds. McCain was mired in the past and had no vision for the future. He sneared like Cheney, looked disgruntled like Nixon, and meandered like Reagan on his worst day. McCain never mentioned Bush by name, but did utter the phrase “Sen. Obama doesn’t understand” about as much as he mentioned General Petraeus. Which was a lot.

Obama held his ground on foreign policy — he even got tenacious with the “you were wrong” on Iraq one, two combination. But he let McCain off the hook in the economy round. He should have hammered him on the unemployment rate and that Phil “nation of whiners” Gramm would likely be the GOP candidate’s Treasury Secretary.

Sure, Obama and McCain talked a lot, but did they really say anything? Don’t you wonder what they were really thinking during the debate?

Obama: Why can’t the election be this Tuesday. I’d win in a cakewalk. By the time the election rolls around, Bush is gonna thaw out bin Laden — I know they’ve got him on ice somewhere. And I’ll be toast.

McCain: I wonder what kind of distraction Rove is conjuring up for me this time, in case the economy tanks any further. He didn’t like my idea of canceling the VP debate because Sarah had to get back to Alaska ‘cos Vladimir Putin’s head was seen hovering over Juneau.

Obama: I can’t stop myself from saying, “John’s right about this, or right about that.” Hell, he’s so old he was born before there was a right.

McCain: If Jim Leher tells us one more time to look at each other when we speak, I’m gonna rip his face off and feed it to my in-laws.

Obama: McCain can’t look me in the face. I have to look at him. That ain’t easy — he’s got hair growing out of his ears!

McCain: Let’s get this thing over with — I have to go to the toidy. Gotta get my mind off it … think .. surge work, surge work…

Obama: He’s getting pretty fidgety. It’s been an hour — I bet he has to go pee-pee. How can I work Niagara Falls into the conversation? Wait, I can mention water-boarding!

McCain: When I was that punk’s age, I could hold my water. Get water off the mind! Surge work, surge work!

Obama: How’d you like a few Budweisers now, Mr. President?

McCain: Oh, oh … I knew I shouldn’t have had that second burrito….

Obama: No matter what the next question is, I’m going to answer it with “depends” …..

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