Gall in the family

Pitbull Princess Palin abused her power as governor of Alaska in the media-dubbed mini-scandal “Troopergate.” Palin got some guy fired because he wouldn’t fire her trooper brother-in-law who allegedly abused her sister. We also learned that Palin’s hubby Todd was the power behind the beauty queen throne that orchestrated the firing. The “First Dude” was arm-twistin’ and who knows what. Family members getting involved in political mumbo-jumbo is a no-no. Sarah the reformer wasn’t such a maverick in this case — she was more Nixonian than Reaganesque. A politician with an axe to grind is what Little Miss Mischief was all about. How much the Toddmeister played in this family feud was surprising — he was key. Makes you wonder how much influence he’ll have should McCain get elected.

Sarah Baracuda indeed. She’s right at homeswimming in shark-infested waters. She has the killer instinct that McCain has either never perfected or can’t remember where he put it. Palin is a vicious vixen of post-feminist America who is Gloria Steinem’s worst nightmare (not necessarily a bad thing if you weigh in the poetic justice.) Palin gets things done — ethics be damned — while flaunting her feminine wiles and punctuating it with that patented connecting-with-the-middle-class wink. She makes the Angela Lansbury character in “The Manchurian Candidate” look like the Little Mermaid.

Palin can’t name a newspaper she says she reads — but she knows how to control a news cycle. She can’t name a Supreme Court decision besides Roe v. Wade. Doesn’t matter — she’s adept at the only one necessary in the Republican playbook. Watch her this week as she riles up that Catholic vote over the stand Obama-Biden have taken on abortion issues.

Even if McCain wins the presidency, it will be Palin who’ll be Time magazine’s Person of the Year. Then get ready to be deluged with all things Alaska. Todd will become a celebrity. He’ll get his own TV show — on Fox, naturally. They can call it “Northern Explorer.” Each week Todd will hunt, fish and snowmobile with such special guests as Newt Gingrich, Geraldo Rivera and Karl Rove. Even (by then) former Vice President Dick Cheney will make the trek up north — but he won’t be involved in any hunting segments. A weekly installment will feature Todd and Oliver North called “Looking out for America.”Along with the Alaska National Guard, Todd and Ollie willmonitor the airspace to make sure Vladimir Putin and those darn Ruskies aren’t trying to sneak over. Todd’s tag line at the end of each weekly program can be “God, guns and Alaska. You bet’cha!”

America will be inspired to become one big happy family — just like the Palins. By that time, we may all be so broke the only thing we’ll be able to afford is to pay attention.

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