There’s a new star in the presidential campain heavens — Joe the Plumber. He was mentioned more times in last night’s debate than the stock market dropping 700 points Wednesday. He was so important, John McCain said his name more times than he did his folksy “my friends.” McCain thinks he’s got lightning in a bottle with this working man from Toledo, Ohio. McCain might want to get Joe’s last name right before he overworks his so-called potential. His last name is Wurzelbacher, Sen. McCain, not Wurzelberger. In any event, Joe the Plumber is in the first minutes of his 15 minutes of fame. But that won’t matter to Fox News, who’ll shove him down the throats of the voting public from here to election eternity.
Joe is suddenly the most famous plumber since the Watergate break-in plumbers felons and Moe, Larry and Curly in one of the Three Stooges’ classics “A-Plumbin’ We Will Go.” Joe had this brief talk with Obama when the Dem candidate was working the crowd in Ohio recently. And McCain seized on the fact he thinks Obama wants to put Joe “in a higher tax bracket which is going to increase his taxes.” By doing so, McCain said during the debate, Obama would stop entrepreneurs from investing in new small businesses. What’s a Joe to do? Get some cash quick, dude, and don’t wait for the next administration. Get those bumper stickers printed up as fast as you can: “Joe the Plumber: the economy’s broke and I’ll fix it.” And don’t forget them T-shirts: “Joe the Plumber: He’ll bowl you over.”
Hey, McHero, now’s the time to drop Palin from the ticket and scoop up Mr. Small Town America for the job. You initially wanted a Joe — Lieberman — anyway. Joe the Plumber is McCain’ symbol of the fear of spreading the wealth. It remains to be seen if Joe will help shower McCain with independent voters or make him sink even further in the polls.
Look for Joe to pop up — in talk anyway — when McCain visits Letterman tonight. Wonder who will play Joe on “SNL” this Saturday. Since he’s a plumber, he fits right in with that show’s toidy humor. And look for Joe on the campaign stump with McCain and Palin. Hank Williams Jr. will join them on stage with a redneck song written just for the occasion: “Joe the Plumber ain’t no elite — he don’t pal ’round with terrorists or drink vino like some effete. He’s a hard-workin’ Joe with dirt under his nails — and he trusts in the Lord even before all else fails. Joe the Plumber and Joe Six-Pack will continue to go on the attack. Obama’s campaign is goin’ down the drain — it’s Joe America and that Great American John McCain.”
Joe the Plumber should feel right at home with McCain — what with all those houses to work on. McCain should get him some work — the GOP used to have a contract with America. And at 72, McCain probably has some plumbing that needs fixed.