Bizarro America

If there really is an Obamaland out there in the must-win states, then the equivalent is John McCain’s Bizarro Nation. The alternate country — you know, the places that are pro-America. Where McCain can resurrect the word welfare — that devisive word that Nixon used to use to infuriate white folk in the 1970s. What’s next, busing? Certainly un-American or anti-America is back in play.

Welcome to Bizarro McCainia, where it’s Mr. Nice Guy with the quick quips on TV talk shows and Mr. Hyde on the campaign trail. While in Bizarro McCainia, you have the freedom of speech to yell “kill him” when your candidate mentions his opponent — that celebrity terrorist-lovin’ socialist who puts lipstick on a pig and God only knows what else. In Bizarro McCainia, you can revel at your candidate’s colleague in the House — one Rep. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota — who says your hero’s opponent, you know, “that one” who’s “not one of us,” has “anti-American views.” She went further to say the media should investigate members of Congress who are not pro-America but anti-America. Bachmann is the reincarnation of Joe McCarthy — the man who destroyed lives of Americans in the 1950s. The only difference between the two is McCarthy probably rode in a Cadillac; Bachmann rides a broom.

In Bizarro McCainia, polarizing is just another sissy term used for global warming. And not controlling your anger and temperment to rile upyour base is a commandment. In Bizarro McCainia, your maverick sticks to his guns — he won’t have to wait tosee the whites ofour enemies’ eyes; he’ll shoot first. He plays by the rules with the money his party gave him. Not like his opponent — that religious zealot’s apostle who raised $150 million in one month from “sinister” contributors. In Bizarro McCainia, that much money raised from public financing can only amount to a scandal.

In Bizarro McCainia, your running mate can say one thing and do another. She can saythat if she ran things she would sit down with “real Americans” at the kitchen table and talks about turning the economy around — forget about all those robo-calls. Thenon the same day, your campaign canorder her to make her own robo-call.

In Bizarro McCainia, it goes unnoticed that it’s come to this: Sometimes Sarah Palin is actually the sensible one on the ticket.

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