The SATs (Socialist Advocate Test)

Got your No. 2 pencil ready? You’ve got 5 minutes to take this SAT (Socialist Advocate Test) to see if you live in pro-America or anti-America. Ready? Go!

1. The real news media is to pro-America what Fox News is to:

A. Fair and balanced

B. Huge TV ratings

C. Monkeys flinging their own feces at the zoo

2. Conservative talk radio is to pro-America what Sarah Palin speaking is to:

A. Reaching millions of plain folk just like her

B. Uniting mavericks everywhere

C. fingers down a chalkboard

3. Voting for Barack Obama is to anti-America what this question is to:

A. What real America already knows

B. All the more reason to supress voter turnout

C. Guess who’s coming to dinner

4. Real polling is to pro-America what “Dewey defeats Truman” is to:

A. Not counting out McCain from pulling an upset victory

B. Polling is done by liberals who favor Democrats

C. Any political party that’s reduced to resurrecting “Dewey defeats Truman” from the grave secretly knows they’re going to lose

5. John McCain is to pro-America what his presidency would mean in terms of

A.The nation as a whole

B. Reformers who reach across the aisle

C. Seeing more hot babes likePalin in his administration

Scoring: Your score will be tabulated by the wire-tapping firm of Bush & Cheney of the real Washington, D.C. Choose your answers carefully, because you could be advised of your score in the comfort of your own home at 3 a.m. — and it won’t be by a phone call…..

GETTING SCHOOLED

OK, it’s settled then — no more Republican presidents, vice presidents or VP candidates having anything to do with school children. History has proven it always fails to make the grade. The math doesn’t add up. They don’t speak the same language. And any other cliches with an academic theme you can come up with.

Sometimes it’s really bad timing: There was President Bush, who was reading the book “The Pet Goat” to kiddies when we were attacked on 9-11. Who could ever forget the deer caught in the headlights look on his face — or the seven minutes (which was an eternity on that tragic day) it took him to get up off his keester and do something.In retrospect, that probably foreshadowed what his presidency was going to be like. It certainly explains his obsession with no child left behind.

Sometimes it’s just plain dumb: Who could forgetformer Vice President Dan Quayle — the real-life Mr. PotatoE Head.” During Daddy Bush’s re-election campaign in 1992, Danny Boy was at a school and, before TV cameras, showed a student how to incorrectly spell potato by putting an e on the end of the word. After that school daze incident, the Bush-Quayle administration was history.

Sometimes it just runs in the political family: VP candidate Sarah Palin fielded an online question from a third-grader who asked her what are the duties of the vice president. Gov. Game-changer said the vice epresident was President of the Senate who, golly gee, can really get in there and make really good policy with the senators. Oh, I’m sorry, that’s wrong. But thanks for playing the game anyway. Enjoy your consolation prizes — like the cue cards from your appearance on “Saturday Night Live.” The vice president is not the President of the Senate. He or she casts the deciding vote if there’s a tie. They’re sort of like a substitute teacher — with better pay. However, there is no substitute for not knowing what job you are expected to do if elected.

But at least Palin could look good doing the job. It was reported that the Republican National Committee has spent $150,000 so far on Palin’s wardrobe and make-up. Go to the head of the elitist class, Gov. Hockey Mom. Once a beauty queen … On the surface, McCain’s selection of you as his running mate is starting to look pretty dumb.

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