Dire Straight-Talk Express

As the old saying goes, it’s important to keep your sense of humor when all else around you looks gloomy. In the last hours of the 2008 presidential campaign, John McCain is doing what he needs to do to turn this election around. That’s right, tonight he’s going on “Saturday Night Live.” Maybe the musical guest can be the next great Country Western superstar, Joe the Plumber — the Samjiah of the political campaign.

McCain, likely distgruntled over the fact that Barack Obama’s 30-minute infomercial on Wednesday attracted some 33 million viewers, thought why not put comedy first. Plus, it could be McCain’s last minute pitch for those undecided voters neither candidate has closed the deal with because they’re waiting to see who can best deliver a one-liner. “SNL” is the show that set itself apart from standard TV fare — so in a sense it’s mavericky, like McCain says he is. Make no mistake, McCain is good at this sort of thing — he’s so comfortable on the show it’s like his eighth or ninth home. On the other hand, “SNL” made its mark with players called “Not ready for prime-time,” which Sarah Palin may have proven when she was on the show a few weeks back. McCain’s appearance tonight as someone’s foil makes room for jokes like: he may as well go on “SNL” because there’s nothing funnier than the way he’s run his campaign. Or, McCain is going on “Saturday NightLive” to prove his campaign is still breathing.

Speaking of bad jokes, Gov. Ahh-nold was on the stump with McCain in Ohio on Friday. The No-moreTerm-inator flexed his musclehead and told some tired gurly-man jokes about Obama’s skinny-legs and “dat” he needs to be pumped up. That was so 1990s. Maybe Ohio got a glimpse of why Californians are beginning to feel better aboutthe Gov.not coming “baaack” and that we’ve had enough of his “True Lies.”

Then there was football great Mike Ditka introducing Palin at a rally in Pennsylvania. Whenshe heard he was a Chicago Bear, she made the coach run wild in Amish Country while she shot at him from a helicopter.

You want fries with that?:Ken Duberstein, one-time chief of staff for Ronald Reagan — who is now voting for Obama — trounced McCain for his pick of Palin, saying that even before you’re hired for a job at McDonald’s you’re given three interviews. Ouch! Talk about a Big Mac attack.

The ‘Eagleburger” has landed: What up with these Reagan dudes? When asked by an NPR interviewer if Palin was qualified to be vice president, former Reagan Secretary of State Lawrence Eagleburgersaid “of course not.” Naturally he was eventually kidnapped and forced onto Fox News where he had to repent. It was either that or Fox was going to lock him in a men’s room at the Minneapolis airport’s men’s room with Sen. Larry Craig. Eagleburger’s only other option would’ve been locked in a sound-proof room listening to Palin until he was either convinced or begged to be put in a rubber room.

Still scary after all these years: Just when you thought Halloween was over, the prince of darkness, VP Dick Cheney, rose from the netherworld and campaigned in his home state of Wyoming for McCain.The McCain camp was probably hoping Wyoming was far enough away that it couldn’t pick up a TV signal. Ah, Wyoming … where men are men and the sheepsign pre-nuptial agreements.

Time and again: Don’t forget to set your clocks back an hour tonight. McCain’s turning his clock back — to the day before he picked Palin.

Then again, come Tuesday, he may have the last laugh….

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