Lipstick on a scapegoat

The election is in the books, but a tell-all is still being written by anonymous sources from the

McCain campaign about Sarah Palin. The gutter snipes are practicing scorched earth when it

comes to blaming her for the McCain defeat. They won’t let her go gently into the trailer-trash

tundra they’re creating. The trash talkin’ is a continuation of the leaksspilled over to the

media during the end of the campaign when Palin was pegged a “diva” and a “whack job.”

The gossip includes an incident that has all the potential of becoming a political urban legend:

Towelgate. During the Republican National Convention, two McCain senior advisers went to

Palin’s hotel room to go over some last-minute details. When they got there, she greeted

them wearing only a towel. She told them to talk to her hubby Todd, but the advisers were

secretly wondering if “the eskimo was on the level.” If the advisers were having second

thoughts even then about the Palin pick, it wasn’t clear if they wanted her to throw in the


What’s Hollywood waiting for? Make that movie about Palin’s quick rise and sudden fall. And

who better to play Sarah and Todd but Bradjolina. Brad Pitt can be the enigmatic eskimo

who is like Rasputin behind the scenes. Angelina Jolie — a fearless actress — would be a

convincing Palin. The sight of Jolie meeting the advisers while wearing only a towel would be

worth the price of admission alone.

Bradjolina would probably have editorial control over the trash talkin’ from McCain campaign

insiders referring to the Palins as “The Wasilla Hillbillies” who “looted Nieman-Marcus from

coast-to-coast.” At least we could get a song, “The Wasilla Hillbillies,” out of it. And it might

go something like this:

“Come and listen to the story about the Palin family

just plain Alaska folk called on by destiny.

Then one day while tired of vetting for a Veep

McCain tapped Sarah ‘cos he was in it knee deep.

“Well the first thing you know Sarah’s a superstar

the liberal press started askin’ ‘who do you think you are?’

The old dude lost but Sarah’s reputation only grew

in 2012 she’ll be off to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue….”

Once back home in Alaska, Palin tried to defend the stealth comments about her time on

the ticket — which only made matters worse. Of course she blamed the media — even though

the media only reported what was said by her own people. Palin compared the media to a

“stinkin’ barrel of apples” or words to that effect. It might have been more effective if she

delivered the line like she was Charlotte Heston: “Get your microphone out of my face you

dirty stinkin’ media person!”

The press in Alaska asked Palin if the RNC was coming up north to confiscate the

$150,000 wardrobe for her and the apparent $20,000 spent on “the first dude’s” duds. To

which shesaid the only thing she asked the campaign for was an occasional diet Dr.

Pepper (product endorsement alert: Dr. Pepper you have a spokesmodel.) Then came the

phrase “I know that I know that I know.” Not exactly up there with “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down

this wall,” but Tina Fey already has it in her arsenal.

The merciless (if not cowardly) anonymous sources also let it be known that Palin thought

Africa was a country, not a continent. Big deal. Geography is highly over-rated when you’re a

vice president: all you need to know is the country you’re going to when you attend that

dignatary’s funeral. And apparently she wasn’t aware that the U.S., Canada and Mexico were

the countries that made up NAFTA. Not her fault, she probably thought NAFTA was another

dirty acronym like MILF — and she didn’t want to hazard a guess.

For the sake of political parody, Palin owes it to her country to just keep talkin’ and staying

in the news. She can better serve her country as source for satirical material than anything

she would’ve been able to accomplish as vice president. Talk about a job that’s rooted in

oblivion.You think nobody paid much attention to Joe Biden before….

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