The G word

God only knows what’s going on with cable network news. It’s been one week since Barack the Vote and news shows are already talking about the road to 2012. Leading the news media down that slippery slope is Sarah Palin. When once she was protected from the news media, now she can’t get enough of them — like she was the beauty queen at a coming out party at the Caribou Cotillon. Is she already planning a run for the presidency in 2012 the news media wants to know. Does an Alaskanmoose keep a close lookout for hunters in helicopters? Palin spoke to Fox Swoons about it on Monday. Here’s an actual quote: “I’m like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I’m like, don’t let me miss the open door … if there is an opportunity for me, then I’l plow through that door.” Keep talking, Sarah, keep talking.

Palin will speak before the Republican Governors Association conference this week in Miami. She said she will even field questions from reporters. This looks like the beginning of a beautiful relationship from a gift that keeps on giving. Yes, Virginia, there is a Christmas and it’s coming early for satirists.

It seems like only yesterday when former President-elect Obama won in 2008. So let’s take a nostalgic look at how some cable news networks handled the coverage. MSNBC couldn’t over-emphasize enough Obama’s historic win — and Fox News couldn’t disguise the fact they were going through denial. Especially entertaining was when Karl Rove and Brit Hume were lamenting Obama’s win in Pennsylvania and Rove making the point that McCain still had a path to victory by winning Ohio. Then faster than you can say Cleveland, Hume had to tell Rove that Fox was projecting an Obama win in Ohio. What followed was priceless: Rove and Hume weren’t only speechless, they shared the same look on their faces: as if they just witnessed their puppy getting squished by a Humvee.

MSNBC was in Obama’s corner — with Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow his biggest promoters. But when they took on McCain-Palin it was always with wit — granted at times it was piercing. Fox was just plain vicious in its many attempts to derail the Obama juggernaut. Not long after all the networks — including the forlorn Fox — announced Obama was elected, Fox wasted little time popping up a photo of 1960s radical and friend of Obama’s William Ayres to continue its nightly tirade. This is why God invented channel surfing.

If MSNBC is unmatched at taking on pols with tongue placed firmly in cheek, Fox can’t survive without foaming at the mouth. And they’re just getting started. One might even expect a new segment on its newscasts called “Countdown to the Apocalypse: The Obama presidency.” Fox will do everything in its power-mad orbit to barricade anything and everything Obama will attempt to get through.

The scary thing about Fox is that Rupert Murdoch and his misguided minions actually believe they’re on a mission from God. But even the Almighty gets his news from the Daily Show. He’d watch CNN — but even he’s probably frightened by Larry King.

WHAT’S IN A CODE NAME

The Secret Service released the code names for the Obamas and the Bidens:

Obama is “Renegade”

Michelle Obama is “Renaissance”

Joe Biden is “Celtic” and Jill Biden is “Capri”

Good thing McCain and Palin didn’t win — their code names weren’t as, well, cool:

Todd Palin would’ve been “Sphincter”

Cyndi McCain would’ve been “Trance”

Sarah Palin would’ve been “Bubblegum”

And John McCain would, of course, have been called “Geritol.”

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