Mixed media

Poor George W. Bush -- he can't even get a book deal. President for eight years -- granted, most of them disasterous, but that's a book in itself -- and he couldn't even appoint a publisher. Meanwhile, is there a Tundra tome in the works? That Alaskan Avalanche of Attention, Sarah Palin, will reportedly be paid a cool $7 million to tell her story. We apparently haven't heard it all. Those coughing up the big bucks ought to have their heads examined and their wallets confiscated. Be that as it may, here are a few suggestions for the title of La Lipstick's book: "I Can See Real America From My House," "Pallin' Around With Palin," and "Never Has Someone Done So Much With So Little."

Palin is also floating the possibility of appearing on the season finale of TV's "Desperate Housewives." Now there's a show that speaks volumes to the cultural war issues Republicans always try to steal elections with. That won't stop Diva Destruction. A shot at the guest spot on the show was "Like, OK, an opportunity to, y'know, plow through another door and, this I pray, don't let me miss that open door."

This leaves the door open for other politicians to dabble in some way, shape or form with the TV viewing public. A few for instances:

1. Fred Thompson will reprise his role on "Law and Order" along with guest star Rudy 9-11 in an episode where they team up to offer their expertise to find out who killed the Republican Party.

2. VP Dick Cheney will make frequent guest appearances on "House." Besides the veep and House trying to out-sarcastic each other, the doctor and his minions won't be trying to figure out how to keep Cheney alive, but be constantly stumped as to why nothing will kill him.

3. Before House Speaker Nancy Pelosi can tell the plastic surgeons on "Nip/Tuck" what she doesn't like about herself, one of them will tell her they can wipe that frozen smile off her face.

4. President Bush will let it be known he's available after Jan. 20th to show up anytime on "My Name is Earl" because he thinks it's the closest thing to his biography.

5. Drew Carey will be fired as host of "The Price is Right" and be replaced by the Bob Barker of his generation -- Mitt Romney.

6. Bill Clinton will spend a week guest hosting on "The View" and hit on all the women, except Elizabeth Hasselbeck -- who Bubba doesn't believe carries enough weight.

7. N.Y. Rep. Barney Frank will be the power behind a coup to seize control as executive producer so he can take over as the title character on "Ugly Betty."

It doesn't stop there. Also in the works are one-hour specials based on old TV series with new stars, such as:

1. John McCain as "The Greatest American Hero."

2. "My Favorite Martian" with Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucenich.

3. "Mission: Impossible" starring former Defense Secretary Donald "Good evening, Mr. F-UP" Rumsfeld.

4. Three's Company" -- Fox TV's take on the Obamas -- with actors playing the new first couple. In the TV special, Barack and Michelle take in a roommate at the White House -- none other than 1960s homegrown terrorist William Ayres. Because Fox News just can't let this one go.

Don't touch that dial....