Nothing ventured, nothing gained

The innocent bystander to history will soon be leaving his part-time job as president. In the meantime, George W.MD Bush has been making the rounds doing TV interviews trying to salvage his 8-year-long lame duck presidency. When asked recently what he will miss about being president, the Yale Cowboy was quick to answer “riding on Air Force One.”

“Rain man like airplane! Rain man like airplane!” “Of course it’s 43 days until Obama.”

The worst president in a century is suddenly a fan of revisionist history — once someone explained to him what that meant. W. and his turd blossom Karl Rove are banking on the fact that historians will only have access to Fox News for the next 50 years. That’s the only news outlet that won’t have the stones to tell it like it is: W. makes Herbert Hoover look like Abraham Lincoln.

W. said he could’ve done better — not everything has gone according to plan — with the exception maybe of the annual pardoning of Thanksgiving turkeys and all that vacation time down on the farm in Crawford where he could justify avoid doing the nation’s business.

George has kept one promise — he has been the Decider. He decided a long time ago not to be bothered with decision-making that could shape any policy America and the world could benefit from for decades. Bush the Delusional still thinks the Iraq war will be his saving grace — a master stroke for democracy in that part of the world guaranteed to last for centuries and beyond. But he has since come to blame poor intelligence for the U.S. going to war in the first place — we wouldn’t have done it if it was clear Saddam didn’t have weapons of mass destruction. Poor intelligence and George W.MD Bush used in the same sentence is redundant. One wonders how this president would know of what he speaks if he never bothered to read daily intel briefings. That is unless someone managed to come up with the intel briefings in comic book form.

The innocent bystander to history still can’t come clean when asked if he had anything to apologize for, decision-wise. He won’t fess up to the economy going down in flames — that mess started before he stumbled his way to and then through the presidency.

But W. is a hoot. He’s the nation’s banana peel: Better than Gerry Ford tripping over his own two feet; or Ronald Reagan with a quick quip to cover up the fact he had no idea what he was talking about; or Bill Clinton dropping his drawers before a full-sized intern. W.’s presidential library could be filled with unintentional as well as intentional humor. The Incompetence Wing itself could be the length of Soldier Field.

There are a few nice things to say about George: His wife’s a nice lady and his twin daughters are kinda hot. He likes baseball, and, let’s see … well, to quote Sarah Palin during her interview with Katie Couric: “Let me think of some and I’ll get right back to ya on that.”

So the Yale Cowboy is about to ride off into the sunset and down the happy trails of his ranch in Crawford. Don’t let the door hit you in the head when you leave the White House, George. That’s right, your head — which even then will still be up your ass.

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