We’re only hours away from saying goodbye to 2008 — and, living up to its image, it’s going to end with a bang and not a whimper.
Leading off the end of the year’s flurry of punches and barrage of kicks is “The Audacity of a Dope, Part II” where (insert the word “embattled” here if you want to be in TV news) Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich appointed former Illinois state attorney general Roland Burris to fill President-elect Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat. Just as much fun watching Blago’s news conference — where he pulled a fast one and single-handidly put the cold feet Democrats in deeeper water — was watching cable news anchors in the hour or so before the big news. The newsies acted like little kids waiting for Santa to arrive with gifts. Of course, Blago is the gift that keeps on giving to the GOP and Fox News — who are still hoping for that “guilt by association gift certificate” linking Obama to Blago.
That didn’t happen. What did happen was a story that keeps making news — which will make for more drama (sorry Obama) in the new year.
Stay tuned to more “Leave it to Blago” — who has the power to knock the renewed violence in the Middle East, which could have more serious consequences for the nation as a whole, from being the lead story.
2. On a lesser reported story, but one that deserves to be ridiculed nevertheless, involves one Chip Saltsman, who is running to be the next head of the Republican National Committee. This meatball sent committee members CDs for Christmas featuring a 2007 song “parody” called “Barack the Magic Negro.” Chipper, who hails from Tennessee, defended the tune as a “light-hearted parody” that previously aired on Rush Limbaugh’s radio show. Ya, that proves there’s nothing racist about it. Saltsman said members of the committee have “the good humor and good sense” to see it as parody. The nitty-gritty, sung to the tune of Peter, Paul and Mary’s famous “Puff the Magic Dragon,” argues that voting for Obama helped white voters “alleviate guilt over racial wrongs in the past.”
So, since Chipper and some RNC members are suckers for parodies, take a “Puff” on this: It’s called “Chip the Conniving Cracker,” sung to that famous folk song previously mentioned:
“Chip the Conniving Cracker
wants to head the GOP
he’s Southern so that probably means
he married someone in his family.”
“Pill-poppin, fathead Rush Limbaugh
spews venom from his undisclosed lair.
so tools like Cracker Boy
can offer fathead their face for his chair.”
3. She is woman hear her roar: Sarah Palin’s unwed daughter Bristol gave birth to a baby boy Sunday. Bristol and boyfriend Levi Johnston named the kid Tripp. When asked why Tripp, Levi said, “‘Cos that’s what I do best, dude.”
Meanwhile, Fox News sent its cameras to Wasilla, Alaska, to cover the blessed event. The crew arrived at night and the anchors back in the newsroom swear they saw a bright star shining overhead. Turns out it was just a smudge on the TV camera. Then Fox reported that three wise men were in the vicinity, but that turned out to be Geraldo, his no-name brother and some Fox blonde bimbolooking for love in all the wrong places.
4. What were they thinking department:
To those who trusted investment wizard Bernie Madoff with their finances, here’s a significant reason why you should’ve known better: His last name is not pronounced Mad off, but rather Made off — as in, “Hey, that guy just Made Off with my money!”
Tom Cruise’s Hitler movie “Valkyrie” opened over the Christmas holiday. Nothing says Christmas like a movie about Hitler. OK, it’s about Nazis trying to kill Hitler, but still. Cruise is only barely believable in roles of a contemporary nature. He’s unbearable in period pieces — especially as a Nazi. But since the movie did well enough at the box office its opening weekend, movie studios can green light that production Hollywood hopes to release next Christmas: Keanu Reeves as Winston Churchill. “Whoa, king, like there’ll always be an England.”
It was a very good year… and it can only get better — for one and all.