Some askewed observations about the first full day of the age of Obama are in order.
“Let me tell you how it will be, here’s one for you 19 for me.. ‘cos I’m the Taxman”: Tim Geithner, President Obama’s pick for Treasury Secretary is still being grilled by the Senate during his confirmation hearing. Seems Timmy neglected to pay back taxes. This guy is being touted as a wizard of Wall Street and he’s going to head the Internal Revenue Service. Try using his excuse with H&R Block. You’d be in prison with a cellmate named “Cheech.” You wouldn’t want to know what your name would be.
Apocalypse soon: Fox News has begun its “Countdown to Armageddon” as opposed to other news organizations that are just referring to it as Obama’s first 100 days. Fox may be using its first example of the end of days with Obama wanting to close the detention center at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Fox is ga-ga for Gitmo. Anyway, the news network has its crusade for the time being. Maybe they can use a jingle for their news bumps inbetween broadcasts: “Gitmo for your justice against terrorists who would do harm to our freedoms.”
Next thing you know, Fox will be emphasizing the fact that Obama is a southpaw. Way back in the day, nuns at Catholic schools tried to deter children who were left-handed, because it was considered to be the devil’s handiwork or something. Fox could remind their viewers that Bill Clinto too was a southie. Can’t remember if W. was — anyway, he couldn’t tell his left from his right.
At least pantsuits isn’t the punchline: A joke David Letterman is apt to tell: “Obama took the oath of office as president. I’m telling ya, things are looking bad for Hillary.”
Bubba, you rascal: The camera catches all. While dignitaries were waiting for Barack Obama to arrive and give his inaugural speech, Bill Clinton was in the crowd and more often than not looked like he was checking out Jenna Bush, W. and Laura’s single daughter. Poetic justice: Bill and Hill divorce, Bubba marries Jenna and he gets to call W. dad. Talk about a future bad gene pool.
Missing in action: Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska didn’t show for the inauguration speech. Now, to be fair, not all governors of every state showed up. Obviously Palin didn’t show because she didn’t want to attract attention away from that little thing going on, you know, the first African-American president sworn into office.No one noticed she wasn’t there, right? You betcha!
Also missing was disgraced former Sen. Larry “Toe-tapping in the men’s room” Craig. He wasn’t invited — good thing, because he would’ve been like one of those guys in that TV commericial who miss all the photo sessions and excitement at ballgames becausethey always have to go to the “bathroom.”
Gov. Rod “embattled” Blagojevich of Illinois — Obama’s home state — was also a no-show. He sent his hair instead, in case some of the older folks present needed to be more bundled up.
Say it ain’t so, Joe: During the first full day of the Obama era, VP Joe Biden, while administrating oaths to people who will serve as senior staff members in the administration, made an off-the-cuff joke about his memory not being as good as that of Chief Justice John Roberts. You may recall (since it was only yesterday) when Roberts was conducting the swearing in of the new president, he flubbed the “Do you solemnly swear…” business. Obama was also caught off guard, thinking that maybe he should correct the guy, but, as usual, he kept his cool. Roberts is supposed to be this great intellect, but apparently he can’t deliver some of the 35 most important words in America without messing it up. Remember, he was appointed by W. So at least he didn’t make up words to disguise his flub. “Do you Solomon swear that you will famously executionize the president’s office?”
Speaking of Biden, his wife Jill admitted to Oprah the day before the inauguration that Obama offered her husband a choice of either being VP or secretary of state. Doh! The Bidens are favorites in the early running for the Obama administration’s foot-in-mouth contenders ready to feed the news media and comics everywhere fresh material.
Kids say the darndest things: MSNBC interviewed 10-year-old Florida schoolkid Damon Weaver, a budding TV reporter who has been trying to get an interview with the president since the general election. No such luck yet — but Damon did get to interwiew Joe Biden during the campaign. Damon was asked how that went. “He’s a little long-winded,” Damon responded. Ahh, the first of soon to be many jokes about the lowly office that is the VP. At least Biden’s not a hunter. Back to the kid: What question would you ask the new president? Damon reactedreasonably saying he would ask Obama how he plans to protect children. Then Damon offered up what his second question would be. “Are you going to let Joe the Plumber fix the toilets at the White House?”
This kid’s got a future in the news bidness. Hopefully it won’t be with Fox. Oh wait, I said news.