Life imitating art

President Barack Obama’s first few days in office have been interesting, to say the least. He sure has hit the ground running — but he’s soon discovering that there are obstacles in the way. And some are in his path to purposely slow him down.

You can’t say Obama hasn’t tried to tackle everything in his first few days: from closing Gitmo, to talking with generals about how best to wind down our troops’ involvement in Iraq, to scaling the Mount Everest of problems: the economic stimulus package.

So what to do with those nasty “they want to take away our freedoms” detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba? Some of them haven’t had a trial. So be it. But, if Gitmo closes, where do we put them? First choice: Crawford, Texas, where they can help W. clean brush and do Texas manly things. He created the problem, let him deal with it. They could put electricfied barb wire around the Bush compound and on a daily basis former Vice President Dick Cheney can ride horseback with a shotgun in case he has to shoot one of them in the face.

Fox News keeps having hissy fits about Gitmo. And at least for the first 24 and 48 hours they were trying to convince themselves and anyone else with half a brain who follows their every word that Obama was not legally the president because Chief Justice John Roberts screwed up the wording during the oath-takin.’ Never mind that the Constitution states that Obama was officially and legally president as of noon on Jan. 20th — oath screwed up or not. But that wasn’t good enough for Rupert Murdoch’s minions — they probably wouldn’t be satisfied unless the munchkin coroner from “The Wizard of Oz” made it official:” He’s not only, nearly president, he’s very, clearly president.”

Now, to play it safe, Obama was sworn in by Roberts again the next day in a private ceremony. The second-time-around oath-takin’ was only viewed by a few and audio and still photos were released for living history sake. Not good enough over at you know where: they didn’t see Obama swearing on a Bible. So maybe during the first time Obama hypnotized Roberts into screwing up so he’d have an excuse to take the oath a second time without a Bible present. Paranoia can destroy ya. The next thing you know, the Fox hounds will be trying to make something out of the fact that our new president’s initials are B.O.

Meanwhile, there’s a Web site that’s tracking the 510 — that’s the number they’re giving — promises Obama made during his two-year campaign to become president. That’s keepin’ a politician honest. So far it’s two down and 508 to go. Now to the opposite of honest, conservative talk show megamouth Rush Limbaugh says he has four words for the new president: “I hope he fails.” What an American. But then ol’ Rush-to-judgment never gets behind anybody — because this load would still be in the picture.

Life imitating art:

Just in time to celebrate the Oscar nominations, some movie versions that wouldn’t be mentioned in any category:

“The Good, the Bad Hair and the Ugly Press Corps”: In his latest incarnation, Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich likened his political turmoil to that of an old cowhand from the Rio Grande in the Old West — using as a muddled metaphor the fact that his critics and the press are lynching him before he can get a fair trial. Blago went on a tangent that abused an already confusing and obscure example. Without going into detail because it was actually ignorant, suffice it to say that his example resembled one of those obnoxious questions on a college exam that boggles the mind for an answer. Such as, like: If a train leaves the station at 10:40a.m. and two cars traveling north and south on inter-connecting freeways pass each other going in opposite directions at 65 mph at 10:56 a.m., what time does the 9:51 a.m. flight from Fresno pass the train going at the speed of light?

Meanwhile, Blago is making the news rounds Monday, including “The View,” to take his case to the people — uh, the townfolk of Tombstone territory.

The cost of Barack Obama’s vacated Senate seat: let’s talk about what’s in it for me.

The cost of Elizabeth Hasslebeck asking Blago questions: Priceless.

“The Curious Case of Caroline Kennedy”: What happened to JFK’s daughter and Hillary’s vacated Senate seat in New York? Caroline, no. Rumors were flying she got wind that N.Y. Gov. David Paterson wasn’t going to name her, so she bowed out to save face. Other gossip growing on the grapvine suggests that Caroline has nanny problems, tax issues and marital woes. She may be having an extramarital affair. What, a Kennedy? Could be Caroline’s a cougar. Why not, they call her Uncle Teddy the lion of the Senate. In any event, she pulled out of the running. Funny that, because a Kennedy’s never been known to pull out of anything.

“Last Chance Harvey Milk”: Dustin Hoffman, beginning to show his age, wanders off into the wrong movie — not the one with him and Emma Thompson, but the biopic of gay rights activist Harvey Milk. Hoffman then exposes the fact that Sean Penn is stealing his Ratso Rizzo voice from “Midnight Cowboy.” Not the first time Penn borrowed heavily from Hoffman. In “I Am Sam,” Penn, playing a mentally-challenged man, sounded an awful lot like Hoffman’s autistic savant Raymond Babbit in “Rain Man.” And Penn, like Hoffman, will probably win his second best actor Oscar. Got Milk?

“The (Weekly) Reader”: No, not a Kate Winslet vehicle, but the story about the school newspaper of the United States offering personal ads in the publication. A two-fold purpose here: One, newspapers are struggling and the advertising is necessary. And two, ads make it easier for teachers to find out who is available for extra-curricular activities.

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