Smoke on the water

Aquaman Michael Phelps, the ubergold medalist for swimming — swimming! — at the Olympics was photographed at a party toking on a matijuana bong. Jeez, he doesn’t look dumb.

Aquaman will probably get a pass on this one ‘cos Madison Avenue needs this lump to be the latest athletic product whore who will put his monkey-looking mug on anything that will line his tank suit with Benjamins. Doesn’t matter that he’s in insulting ads that continue to humiliate men (like a good chunk of those Sper Bowl ads.)

Aquaman is a role model. Perfect, now kids can think they’ll be able to be in TV commercials and have their bongs too.

Earning that privilege to be a mope to those weasels who continue to insult our intelligence is incidental. We’ve already created a nation of daydream believers who are expecting to get the reward without the effort.

At least Aquaman put forth the effort — but, like many before him, he was seduced by the folly.

Even TV news has come to Phelps defense, saying he’s in his 20s and is more or less alloted an indiscretion like this.Hear that 20somethings? You now have an alibi — Aquaman was throwing this bong party for these ad moguls who never thought they were hip until now.

One last dip into the deep end here: Phelps obviously didn’t use marijuana as a performance-enhancing drug at the Olympics. Anyone who might even consider that isn’t worth a bag of Oreos or cheese doodles for that munchies attack. Hey, that could be Aquaman’s next big Madison Avenue gig: Man of La Munchies. He could do a couple hits and then feed his simian face with several product endorsements at once.

Party on, dude. There’s too much invested in your celebrity for your career as pitch-prostitute to go up in smoke. Just don’t turn gay on us. Then the whole role model thing will get ugly. And it will be a whole new meaning when you pitch “Got Milk?”

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2 Responses to Smoke on the water

  1. Legalize it 420 says:

    You need to get over it. It’s just a plant, lots of everyday-normal people smoke it. Of all people to criticize for using it, why Phelps? He’s a superb athlete and still take the occasional toke, that’s a feat in itself. I’m sure this isn’t his first time, he knew what he was doing with that bong. So more power to him to take a harmless little plant (which is what marijuana is, whether you agree with that or not) and still be an Olympic Gold medalist. I commend him for his talents and his bong hits, and feel ashamed that he was forced to apologize. It’s a joke that so many people have to be closet stoners. Prohibition will end soon enough, then you will have to find another person to cheap shot. Get over yourself buddy. BLAZE ONE!

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