Cerebral flatulence

Like a bad meal that keeps coming up on you, former Vice President Dick Cheney has regurgitated his scathing opinions so soon after leaving power.

He took time out from his busy schedule frightening school children by showing them graphic video of his heart surgery — that’s when he’s not eating live kitties at meetings of the Daughters of the American Revolution.

Doomsday Dick spewed things like there’s a high probability of terrorists attacking the U.S. if President Obama doesn’t follow the Bush Doctrine and keep Gitmo opened so the bad guys don’t end up somewhere in Omaha with shoe bombs.

The creepy ex-Veepy actually said it’s more important for the United States to be respected than it is to be loved. Funny that, since the Cheney-Bush administration is O for 2 in that department.

It’s a dangerous world out there and weapons are going to fall from the sky on our cities because all Obama wants to do is play nice with al-Qaida and negotiate. No way, says Dead-eye Dick, who maintains you can’t put too much faith in negotiation. It’s a mad, mad, mad, madman’s world out there and we gotta keep up the torture and eavesdropping on innocent Americans because you never know whose got weapons.

Action speaks louder than words. This guy is like the bizarro Eisenhower warning us about the military industrial complex. He is his own weapon of mass destruction — just ask that hunting partner of his who got a facefull of buckshot.

It only took Cheney two weeks to slam the new administration and to remind us with that creepy snear just how uncomfortable he used to make us feel. The guy left office with something like an 11 percent approval rating. You don’t want to meet that 11 percent. Unless you’re into goose-stepping and terrorizing minorities while wearing white robes.

Maybe he was just giving Obama a lesson in defense — to be able to read the warning signs when terror is imminent. You know, like W. started to do. The day after 9-11.

The world doesn’t work the way anybody but Dick Cheney says it does. To say he’s delusional is a compliment. He has such disdain for the world that he won’t be happy unless he’s around to see it destroyed so he can tell the lucky among us left to squander that he told us so.

When he does die, “rest in peace” will be said — but it will refer to the rest of the world he so loathes simply because of its humanity. In the meantime, he can go and have his own show on Fox News — they like guy’s like him. He can rant about how weak and wussed out we’re going to become while the planet approaches Armageddon. They can call his show “The end is snear.”

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