CPAC to the future

Tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1989.

The Republican Party wants to return us now to the thrilling days of yesteryear, daddy-O. 23-Skidoo! The Conservative Political Action Conference, or CPAC, is on. Sup, Newt?

Among the myriad of misanthropy spewed: nuke Chicago to teach Obama a lesson. Obama is a communist, fascist and a street thug. Makes you long for the days when he just palled around with terrorists, don’t it?

CPAC, or as it is affectionately referred to at Fox News, the Oscars, is a confab of regular folks (like the ones in McPalin’s real America) versus the liberal elite (anyone who was at the Academy Awards, except Mickey Rourke, who look like he wanted to punch somebody after he lost to Sean Penn.)

CPAC’s major attraction so far has been Joe the Plumber, the annoying self-serving ‘everyman’ that John McCain let loose on an unsuspecting public and has made us live to regret it.

Plumber was there more or less as a surrogate for the noticeably absent Sarah Palin. Joe the Omnipresent wherever there’s a TV camera was there mostly to try and sell his book (he sold a whopping total of five at a recent book-signing) and to rallt the troops by saying things like “I don’t see anybody (except Palin) as a leader of the Republican party” and that they’re only interested in pleasing special interest groups and are afraid to say anything that won’t be politically correct.

What’s next for Joe the Turncoat? How about him teaming with the Octomom — the woman who birthed eight kids? She’s been offered a $1 million porn contract. C’mon, the script (so important to “dirty” movies) practically writes itself. Joe the Plumber goes to Octomom’s house to fix her plumbing because he’s got the right equipment. And it’s believable because he is a tool. They can call the movie “G.O.P.” which could stand for a slew of things when you think of porn. So send in your recommendations for what the title “G.O.P” would stand for in a Joe the Everman and Octomom’s future partnering in a porn flick to the Republican Party headquarters nearest you.

Meanwhile, the leader of the Rushlican Party, Jabba the Butt, will speak Saturday before the masses of Kool-Aid drinkers.

One wonders if Fox News’ mucus membrane Sean Hannity will have a role to play at the gabfest. Check out Hannity’s Web site where he asks his followers to answer this all-important poll: What kind of revolution would you favor (now that Obama is the leader of the free world):

a. secession

b. military coup

c. armed rebellion

Poor Hannity, he was born too late. He should’ve been around at the time the South seceded from the Union because Lincoln wanted to free the slaves. Well, Obama has been reincarnated as Lincoln, who was the first Republican… whoa! Hannity must be beside himself — which would make him a true two-face.

It’s the time of the treason for Hannity. That’s a play on words from a song made famous by the Zombies. Any similarity to those associated with Hannity’s Web gems is purely intentional.

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