For their consideration

The GOP is still in a state of confusion as to who is really running the show. Republican National Committee Chairman Michael “Sorry about that, chief” Steele is apparently working on a GOP 12-step recovery program to get things right with the party of the right.

He may want to put on the list three of the five stages of grief made famous by pop culturist M.D. icon Dr. Elizabeth Kubla Ross: denial, anger and depression. The other two are out of the question: bargaining (that would mean bipartisanship) and acceptance (that would mean they’d have to admit Barack Obama won the presidency, was really born in the U.S., and is not the antichrist.)

So that leaves 9 more steps to reviving the Rushlican Party. Here’s some for consideration:

9. Steele should step down as RNC chairman and become a hip-hop artist

8. More Chuck Norris appearances for the GOP — you can never have enough charisma out there plugging for your causes

7. More tight leg shots of Fox News Barbie doll anchorwomen when they recite the talking points from the GOP during their babecasts

6. Apologize to Rush Limbaugh every day just in case you said something that might have offended him. You can do this right after reciting the pledge of allegiance and saying a prayer. Or, better yet, beforehand

5. Once a week, pick the name of a Democrat in the House or Senate and make them go on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney

4. Spend $150,000 from Nieman-Marcus on Bobby Jindal’s wardrobe

3. Choose an American from a lottery-type contest and say they’ll get paid $1,000 if they can guess within 100 the number of times Rudy Guiliani mentions 9-11 in one of his banquet speeches

2. Let a bunch of badgers loose to lap up the gel in Mitt Romney’s hair

1. More home videos of Sarah Palin, including “Bagging endangered species from a helicopter,” “I can see Ron Paul butt nekkid from my house” and “My Night with the dead bones of Ronald Reagan.”

Hell, it’s gotta be better than anything that the GOP’s doing now….

He’s baaaaaaaack!

The King of Fop, Michael Jackson, announced his comeback concert tour in London on Thursday. This got the female anchors on MSNBC and Fox News to act like a bunch of tween girls who still can’t get over moondancing.

Cable News Networks were all over the announcement with great anticipation as to what “hee-hee” was going to say. Jacko said the tour would be called The Final Curtain Call. We should hold him to that because he’s never lied to us before has he?

Wacko probably thought enough tme has passed for the world to once again hear from him. Somebody ought to tell this, uh, guy that there’s no statute of limitations on creepiness.

Sidebar: If Michael Jackson had been accused of molesting little girls instead of little boys, he would’ve been persona non grata in the United States and would have to live out his days with the Elephant Man’s bones in exile somewhere in Europe as Roman Polanski’s neighbor.

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