Splitsville in Wasilla

It’s official. Bristol Palin, daughter of you-know-who, will continue to be an unwed mom. She and Levi Johnston, the father of their child, Tripp, have called off the wedding they had planned for this summer.

Alaska’s answer to Branjolina is now more like Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, ‘cos they called it quits. Was it because Bristol was more frigid than the frozen tundra? Or maybe Splitsville happened because Levi was just being Mr. Man (translation, from every script written by a woman: an a-hole).

The rumors are flying and the real reasons for the breakup weren’t published. Until now:

1. Bristol liked Levi until she met a guy named Wrangler.

2. Levi was drawing a blank when trying to come up with mother-in-law jokes.

3. President Obama’s spending bill is filled with just too many earmarks.

4. Sarah Palin proved to Levi that there are cougars in Alaska.

5. Levi wasn’t even smart enough to save money by switching to Geico.

6. Bristol couldn’t see any country from Levi’s house.

7. Their Nieman-Marcus charge card tapped out.

8. Levi wanted to change the name of their kid from “Tripp” to “Megadeth.”

9. Three words: “Drill, baby, drill.”

10. They both came to the conclusion that their marriage would be a Bridge to

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