Follow the money

It’s apparent that some of the earmarks and/or pork barrel spending projects in President Obama’s spendingpalooza bill for individual states are outrageous at face value. But what’s this with Republimbaugh senators voting against the spending bill but inserting earmarks of their own for their constituents back in their districts? Some 25 GOP senators are guilty of porking it over.

The political party of NObama have taken obscure, but nevertheless ridiculous (states do have some weird agendas), earmark items and are trying to make them appear as important as Medicare. Earmarks make up less than 2 percent of the spending bill. The party of micro-managing is making the proverbial mountain out of a molehill.

Still, some of the earmarks are really out there. You couldn’t make some of them up. Until now:

In California:

1. $1.8 million is earmarked to study the effect that frozen smile on House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s face has on the siesmic shift in the earth’s surface that could trigger earthquakes.

2. $1.5 million of stem cell research money is requested to prove what a lot of us already believe — that cloning Salma Hayek would not be sacreligious.

3. $1.1 million for the search of the Holy Grail, the Lost Ark and Demi Moore’s career.

In Alabama:

1. $1.7 million is asked for to study why imbreeding prepares one for a lifetime membership in the Ku Klux Klan.

2. $1.2 million to keep kids out of school in order to keep up the image of the state.

In Illinois:

1. $11.8 million to finance the anti-depression drugs Cubs fans are going to need again this season.

2. $8.7 million in earmarks to form a task force on uncovering corruption where it breeds and then use the money on hookers and Red Bull.

In New York:

1. $2.1 million to prove once and for all that New Yorkers are snarkier than Californians.

2. $1.1 million to help get jobs for characters from “Sesame Street” who were laid off. As it stands, Bert and Ernie have to work the Fight Club circuit (it was either that or gay porn), Elmo will let anybody tickle him for a dollar, and Grover is threatening to work the talk show curcuit spilling the beans on all those celebrities who were doing weed when they were on the show.

3. $1.6 million to get Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez and Madonna to move to Jupiter.

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One Response to Follow the money

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