Barbie is 50. But she doesn’t look that old with all that “plastic” surgery she’s had done. Barbie has played many roles throughout her life — both politically correct and anachronistic. Eventually, they tried to make Barbie Dolls for everyone. And a fortune was made on the doll (although one wonders what the toymaker was thinking with the Klaus Barbie. No one bought what the toymaker was trying to sell: Barbie was a double agent infiltrating the Gestapo. Nice try, Hans.))
Here are some other Barbie dolls that didn’t make the cut:
1. Cougar Barbie: Now that she’s 50 she can pounch on the newest collectibles for little girls: the Jonas Brothers dolls.
2. Octomom Barbie: Comes complete with a belly so big it can plop out eight babies. Also comes with a fertility clinic set — where Octomom Barbie has to go when she wants more children she doesn’t know what to do. After all, she’s true to Ken, but he is anatomically correct.
3. Republican Barbie: Also known as playing-hard-to-get Barbie, because all she ever says is “No!”
4. Ponzi Scheme Barbie: Comes complete with two playsets: Barbie under penthouse arrest with fashionable matching ankle and wrist monitors, and jail set where she’s cellmates with Madia, and learns how to become more domestic with the guidance of good jail witch Martha Stewart. Meanwhile both have to thwart off the evilness of the ghost of bad jail witch Leona Helmsley.
5. Bromance Barbie: The doll resorts back to being basic eye candy like a lot of actresses are becoming in the latest movie fad that was once called the buddy picture. From man-crush to bromance (but they’re not gay!) men get along just fine sexually harassing each other and talking about their things. Women are becoming more and more incidental and more or less look like Barbie dolls who act long-suffering because they put up with the antics of too close for comfort buddies (who aren’t doing anything gay!) Also known as low self-esteem Barbie.
6. AIG Barbie: The country gets behind Barbie, who needs a bailout because she goes crazy on her Mattel charge card. Things get ugly when Ken gives himself a bonus for coming up with the concept of the movie bromance.
Fox News alert: Old Bush administration officials never fade away, they become commentators on the Rupert Murdoch Misanthrope Network. We got your Karl Rove, your Ari Fleischer and now your Dana “You mean there was news before Ronald Reagan was President?” Perino spewing the Republican talking points. Apparently, the GOP doesn’t believe the Fox News Bushbots are smart enough to not only read what’s put in front of them, but to believe it. You are getting verrrrry sleepy…..verrrry sleeeeepy. God talked to Bush. Obama like voodoo.
Speaking of Obama, he ought to dump that treasury secretary. Sorry, Mr. President, you can’t save the country a lot of money by switching to Geithner.
Models behaving badly: How about that melee over the weekend in New York City where America’s Next Top Model held auditions? It looked like a soccer game in a Third World country. Huge brawl. Injuries reported — and that’s just from staring too long at that look Tyra Banks gets on her face when that crease between her eyes looks like the fault line of an earthquake.
Rumor has it that the brawl broke out when the catering service brought only one leaf of lettuce for the starving models to fight over. Cat fight! Yow! That’s the way of the world.