Sic Cheney on AIG

Just when you thought Bernie Madoff was the most hated man in America, along comes the executives from AIG (America is Greedy) who got $165 million in bonuses. These are the same bozos who ran the corporation into the ground. The same place that got a bailout worth billions. The same corporation of which we the taxpayers own 80 percent. We’re keeping these boogers afloat.

Everybody wants a piece of these guys — from President Obama down to Iowa Republican Sen. Chuck Grassley, who said they should “commit suicide.” Well, Grassley tried to backtrack on that statement saying he was speaking rhetorically. Ya, suicide is always at the forefront of rhethoric. He later said the execs should “repent.” That sounds more Republican — since GOP stands for God’s Only Party.

This looks like a job for Dick Cheney. The Snear was back in the news over the weekend saying Obama was making the country less safe. CNN’s John King, who interviewed the Beast, neglected to ask him about a report due out soon that said the former VP had his own personal assassination squad. Allegedly the squad (maybe called Deadeye Dicks) went into countries without consulting with our ambassadors and would take out suspected terrorists.

One could almost imagine the Snear grumbling in his bowl of human intestines how those dimwits at AIG blew it by getting caught and that hanging’s too good for them — unless there’s some waterboarding first.

Considering the way a lot of people feel about the AIG execs pocketing money that is essentially ours, torture might be an option.

That would make “Cheney’s got a gun” smile (out of one side of his mouth like the Penguin) while his reason for carrying out our new demand would simply be his favorite two words “Stuff Happens.” That would also be a good title if the Beast ever writes a book. When and if that happens, he could conduct a book signing at Gitmo. And then it’s off to Hades, the real undisclosed location.

Meanwhile, Cheney’s underling, former President George W.MD Bush, was in Canada delivering his first post-presidency speech. While there, Bush asked to meet the MacKenzie Brothers and Dudley Do-Right of the Mounties.

But seriously folks, W.MD showed some class, unlike Cheney’s crass, and said he won’t criticize President Obama because he “deserves my silence.” W.MD was good with the silence as president. Ask anyone affected by Katrina.

The ex-prez said he hopes Obama succeeds. Unlike the so-called member of the Republimbaugh Party. So when’s the apology to Jabba the Butt expected, W.?

Bush also said he plans to write a book about “the 12 toughest decisions I had to make” as president.

W.MD already has a rough draft for some of them (in no order of importance):

1. Proclaiming Fridays at the White House nachos and burritos day

2. Staying true to the exercisin’ in order to keep those reflexes sharp so’s he looked like he was a veteran of people tossin’ shoes at him (and it paid off)

3. Giving Karl Rove the moniker “turd blossom” without the fear of the red-hot laserbeams that shoot from his eyes and can burn through steel

4. Finally putting the right people in place who would repeat anything he wanted said like he wrote it for them: Good job, Fox News

5. Making Rumsfeld wear “Hello Kitty” longjohns while the former defense secretary tried to make his case to the entire Cabinet for invading French Lick, Indiana

6. Working his tail off so after he left office he was so far down on the list of worst presidents he just barely places above William Henry Harrison, who died after only one month as president.

7. Convincing a majority of Americans (and Democrats in Congress afraid to be called the liberal wimps they were) that the war in Iraq was necessary. Oh, wait, Bush is going to write about the toughest things…..

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