With apologies to Dave

The Top Ten reasons why David Letterman finally married the mother of his kid (who has been his gal-pal for 23 years or so):

10. The Octomom turned him down

9. The only way he could get a 10 p.m. time slot (if you know what I mean)

8. Too many bromance glances with Paul Shaffer

7. Needed more “take my wife — please!” material

6. Thought it would make Dr. Phil shut up about why men can’t commit to marriage (fat chance!)

5. Thought it was a good idea after a night of drinking too much Red Bull and Tequila

4. Could finally afford the ring

3. Finally has a good excuse for saying no to Regis about those sleepovers

2. He got the bright idea when he was in Central Park and saw squirrels throwing rice on their nuts

And the number one reason why Letterman finally married his longtime girlfriend:

1. The Kid saw the will

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