The biggest tax on tobacco goes into effect on Wednesday.
Headlines read “Smokers fume over higher taxes on cigarettes.”
Here are headlines and phrases and questions you won’t see on TV or in newsprint:
1. “Taxing your butts off”
2. “Ashes Wednesday”
3. Smokers have nicotine fit over tobacco tax”
4. Smokers find tobacco tax hike a drag
5. Close but no cigar
6. Smokers don’t find tobacco tax hike a pipe dream
7. What’s your sign? Cancer
8. Smokers to tobacco tax hike proponents: Butt out
9. If the Marlboro Man were alive today he’d barf up a lung
10. Tobacco companies looking for A Few Good Phelgm
11. No Country for Old Menthol
12. What did the batter say to the pitcher after making the last out of the game? Lucky Strike
13. What’s a smoker’s favorite Martin Scorsese movie? “The Departed.”
It would be ironic if taxing tobacco actually turned around the economy. Even Obama would light up.
