The barometer used to be if you’re older than the current president of the United States, you’re old.
Actually, there are signs you’re getting older when you’re thirtysomething. That’s about the time you start to realize you’re over the hill because it’s too late to play major league baseball.
Here are some other signs that indicate you’re an old coot:
1. You can remember when cigarette commercials ran on TV. See if this rings a bell: “Winston tastes good like a cigarette should.” Or the Marlboro Man as cowboy riding somewhere in Monument Valley to the theme from “The Magnificent Seven.” (Give yourself a few more dubious points if you remember the Western that music was featured in.)
2. You’ve watched every Super Bowl at the time they were first telecast.
3. You know of history before the Challenger explosion in the 1980s.
4. You owned a Pontiac.
5. You went to high school when the teachers weren’t hot enough to sleep with.
6. Your household only had TV sets with antennas (called “Rabbit ears”)
7. You read Archie comics because Spider-man wasn’t even created yet.
8. You start using the cliche “if I only knew then what I know now.”
9. You were awestruck at the site of computers because they were the size of a 747.
10. You liked disco music and even danced to it, but now you can’t recall it or have selective amnesia about it.
11. You weren’t even a kid when the original “Star Trek” with Shatner and Nimoy and all those cheesy future shock sets and monsters with (clearly) rubber masks and green alien babes aired.
12. You were one of those people who scoffed at the idea of a 24-hour news channel.
13. You can remember when there wasn’t a motion picture rating system.
14. You weren’t allowed to wear blue jeans to school.
15. You look forward to looking backwards.
16. You hit on your pharmacist.
17. You call your wife “mother” and she calls you “father.”
18. Your golf game is the only time you get to swing.
19. When someone makes an off-handed remark about your age, you say “beats the alternative.”
20. You buy “Playboy” for the articles.