Champs of stamps

The Simpsons are getting their own stamp.

That makes sense since the live action stereotype of men in movies, TV and especially TV commercials are based on Homer Simpson.

Homer Simpson is how Madison Avenue wants women to see men and men see men. The affable dope who is more than a kid than his kids. The working-class slub who has a can of Duff beer in one hand and a remote in the other. Sound like anybody you know?

Homer is of course married to Marge, who is more like a mommy than a wife. A lot of guys have mommy wives, women who have honey-do lists instead of a have a good day at work kiss. They even have to buy their husbands their underwear.

So it stands to reason that men are never independent when portrayed on TV. If they appear to be independent then they are branded as afraid to make a commitment (thus the demeaning phrase that's commonplace among single female characters on TV when talking about men -- "They're either married or gay.")

The other insulting stereotype is that if men are happily married then they must be little boys who won't grow up and have no-nonsense spouses who are always smarter (but never funnier).

You know, mommy wives. Like Marge and Homer Simpson. They're the new "American Gothic" -- only Homer has somehow managed to get the pitchfork stuck in his eye.



Here are some other suggestions for stamps:

1. The George W. Bush stamp: For use only on packages pertaining to weapons of mass destruction and torture devices. Sold only once a year -- on April Fools Day.

2. The Sarah Palin stamp: Includes its own sticky substance because it would be a sin against procreation if you just wanted to lick it

3. The Barack Obama stamp: For the time being available only in Sweden because of, you know, the socialism

4. The Wall Street stamp: Expensive. Each stamp costs $19.29

5. The Octomom stamp: Sold only in packs of eight. Rush order now: there's only 15 minutes of fame left

6. The Dick Cheney stamp: An instant collector's item because they are available only under surveillance in covert surroundings and can only be purchased if you swear allegiance to the Prince of Darkness

7. The Hillary Clinton stamp: Available in two versions: Young Hillary the feminist who hates baking cookies and Tammy Wynette, and the sixty-something Pantsuit Hillary Secretary of State who is going to get revenge on Bosnia after she made that presidential campaign gaffe

8. Fox News stamp: Unique because everytime the news group has actually been fair and balanced is contained in the circumferance of a single stamp

9. GM stamp: An abundance available since no one's interested in buying any

10. The Chicago Cubs stamp: A commemorative collection depicting how many ways the teams avoided winning a World Series for the last100 years. Collect all 750 individual excuses put on stamp form