Changing their tune

Kids like Bristol aren’t sharp as a pistol unless Bristol says stop.

Bristol Palin, the unwed teen mother of guess who, drank the Kool-Aid. When once she said abstinence doesn’t work when teens go wild, now she’s changed her tune.

Her mom, who channeled Nurse Ratched, probably brought Bristol to an intervention of the pius and instilled in her the righteous path to the self-righteous.

In any event. mommy Bristol and kid Tripp made the rounds on early morning TV, where Bristol maintained that when she was recently on TV and said abstinence didn’t work, it was taken out of context.

You know how difficult it is to say you’re taken out of context when there is audio along with that video to prove you’re lying? Bristol doesn’t.

But then Bristol is young and foolish and doesn’t know a lot about a lot of things. Especially when she’s being used to paint a phony picture of a family with an ambitious mommy who thinks she could be president.

Not so with the daddy of her bambino. You gotta like Levi Johnston. He may be a sportsman up there in Alaska, but he’s the proverbial fish out of water. He tells it like it really is, moms and dads, abstinence doesn’t work. When hormones go wild, they’re not gender specific. Levi says use birth control, condoms, all those things that will make you burn in hell after you die.

You’d never see Levi drink the Kool-Aid, unless it was spiked with vodka. Apparently it’s the preferred drink at meth labs.

Continuing with the Republicans changing their tune theme, just last week the GOP started its New America tour or whatever it was called. There was Mitt Romney, Jeb Bush and Eric Cantor at some pizza joint in Virginia telling anyone who would listen that they were on a listening tour. Now a listening tour is a tradition of sorts in politics that those running for major offices go on when they start their campaigns. So it goes with the new faces of the GOP: you know Bush, McCain, Romney. What, no Dan Quayle? Certainly Bob Dole wasn’t too busy either.

Be that as it may, the GOP men listened very well. Until they were told they weren’t supposed to be listening.

Cue Rush Limbaugh soon after the GOP tour of dooty, bloating on his radio show that Republicans were pandering to the people by going on this listening tour. Listening? We don’t need no stinkin’ listening.

Jabba the Butt chortled that the Republicans should be on a teaching tour.

What did those New Republicans for a New Republic do? You guessed it, they listened to Jabba.

Within hours there was the weasley Congressman Cantor telling some cable news show that they weren’t on a listening tour. I guess no one was paying attention. That’s the GOP’s problem these days.

Cantor doesn’t only drink the Kool-Aid, he makes sure he’s there when it’s being mixed so he could lick the spoon.

Jabba the Butt wasn’t finished gurgling his opinions. He trashed Colin Powell, saying he should become a Democrat, and the only reason why Powell voted for President Obama is because of race. Apparently Jabba won’t be satisfied until he’s the last conservative standing.

Jabba also criticized Obama for not keeping up with the presidential tradition of taking part via the news media in the National Day of Prayer. Jabba said the president was just trying to “irritate” people.

That’s calling the hippo fat. Hey, Barack, that’s Jabba’s job! Haven’t you been listening?

Relax. Take a chill pill, Mr. President. You’ve been working too hard. Take some time off. Take the wife out on a picnic. It’s such a nice day. Bring a basket with some sandwiches in it. Bring along some fruit. Some veggies. And to wash it all down, try the Kool-Aid ….

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