Crown’d

Actor Kiefer Sutherland may be more influential than anybody gives him credit.

We know that Dick Cheney is a big fan of “24″ and ran his administration (W. was watching “My Name is Earl”) like it was a real-life experience of the Emmy-winning drama series.

Earlier this week, Sutherland was in a scuffle at a party. He was charged with aggravated assault or something. For head-butting a “high-powered fashion designer” at a New York City niteclub.

A fashion designer? That’s like Miss California Carrie Prejean head-buttin’ gay blogger Perez Hilton.

Who wouldn’t pay to see that?

Talk about getting crowned.

There’s an idea for those clowns over at MTV to produce another “Jackass” reality show called “Crown’d.” They could head-butt each other while performing their sexually ambiguous routines.

In fact, getting crown’d can become the new fad. The fist-bump, or pound for those of us in the know, is played. Even terrorists probably think its run its course, right Fox News?

Seeing some nauseating celeb types getting crown’d would make anybody’s day. For example:

1. Wussy TV newsguy Matt Lauer of “The Today Show.” Make it a segment, call it “Where in the world is Matt Lauer getting crown’d?” One week he could be in Germany getting head-butted by German Chancellor Angela Merkel. The next week he’s back in the U.S. of A in D.C. getting crown’d by outgoing Supreme Court Justice David Souter. The list would be endless.

2. The ladies of “The View.” But only if it’s a confirmed trend. They could do it all in unison. Ratings would go through the roof when Barbara Walter gives head-butt to Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

3. Dr. Phil. Everybody he has supposedly helped along the way with his bull-puckey comes back on a special show and lines up to head-butt him until he shuts his big fat mouth.

4. Donald Trump. The winner on “The Apprentice” thinks he or she is getting an extra-special prize when The Donald gets crown’d. Until that thing on his head eats the face off the winner.

5. The Octomom. Eight head-butts. No waiting.

6. Rod Blagojevich. Crown’d until he can really prove he’s innocent of all charges.

7. Joe the Plumber. Crown’d by John McCain, who finally realizes he’s got to do something about this Frankenstein he’s unleashed on the public.

8. Fox News’ Minister of Propaganda Glenn “Goebbels” Beck. Just to see if he’ll cry. And he’ll cry.

9. Sarah Palin. Crown’d by the moose she missed while shooting at it from a helicopter.

10. Madonna. No, Material Girl, that’s head-butting…..

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