After dinner wince

Funny stuff at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner as President Obama made fun of himself (“I’ll finish my next 100 days in 72 days. On the 73rd day, I’ll rest”) to the news media (paraphrase) “You are all distinguished journalists. And you all voted for me” to his daughters, who he said were grounded because “they just can’t take Air Force One on a joy ride over Manhattan.”

Comedian Wanda Sykes got a little controversial with her slams at Rush Limbaugh, calling Jabba the Butt a terrorist because he wants America to fail and that she wants his kidneys to fail. Sykes’ joke about Sarah Palin and abstinence got some groans from the crowd, but was funny nevertheless.

Obama also got a good zinger in on Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele when he spoke urbanese to him.

Here are some jokes the president rejected. And for good reason:

1. “Someone want to get some water for that person who fainted. Move back, let him breathe. Never mind, it’s Sean Hannity.”

2. “Todd Palin is here. He was disappointed when he found out that the chocolate mousse was a dessert. Let’s make him feel at home: Todd, did you remember to het Bristol that electronic chastity belt?”

3. “Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele is in attendance tonight. S’up, my brother? You must feel right at home here — just another event where no one will let you speak.”

4. “It’s been a tough but successful first 100 days, what with dealing with the economy, the stimulus bill, pirates, and two wars. But I won’t be satisfied with my success until I can help white comics come up with some funny material. Don’t feel guilty, guys, I can’t come up with any jokes about me either.”

5. “It’s true, me and Michelle have date nights once a week. It’s either that or bowling with Biden. Speaking of Joe, he was here earlier, but someone sneezed and he was outta here like he was shot through a cannon.”

6. “Anybody see the new “Star Trek”? They wanted me to play the young Spock because he has funny ears, he’s logical, he’s smarter than anybody else in the room, and he’s from another planet. I turned the producers down because audiences might mistake it for my autobiography.”

7. “Republicans have been on my case because I read from a TelePrompter. I’m on TV, you expect me to wing it like Fox News?”

8. “Hillary and I have become really close since I took office. I’ll give her any office she wants, except the one she wants. She’s my favorite Cabinet member because she’s the only one who paid her taxes. But I can’t grant her that one request: I don’t think Bill would like being ambassador to Boys Town.”

9. “Michelle has a more favorable approval rating than I do. I don’t let that bother me because her arms are bigger than mine.”

10. “Dick Cheney would’ve been here tonight, but we made sure he wasn’t invited. Besides, he believes correspondents’ dinners haven’t been safe since I’ve been president. I have to agree with him, I tried the veal.”

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