The week began with Miss California USA “just say no to opposite marriage” keeping her crown. It’s ending with the CIA getting crown’d by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi accusing the spy guys of lying to Congress about intelligence briefings concerning torture techniques.
Sandwiched inbetween was a story from a stripper who claims she and her girlfiend had a three-way with Olympic gold medalist swimmer Michael “Don’t Bogart that joint, my friend” Phelps.
And a week where women dominated the news wouldn’t be complete without hearing something from that Alaskan Avalance of Attention, Sarah Palin — who inked a book deal to write her memoir.
The Miss California saga has, hopefully, played out.If the liberal press can ever get over it. And no, it’s not true, Carrie Prejean did not sign a deal to be a Country singer (like Joe the Plumber) and that her first song will be called “Homo on the Range.”
OK, so this stripper’s claim about the menage-a-trois with another girl and Phelps had the media’s head swimming for about 30 seconds. Sure, he excelled with the breast stroke, but the German judge gave him a 7.7 because he kept drooling. Not Phelps, the judge. You know, if marijuana ever becomes legal they could sell in in tins, bags and boxes. The latter would be perfect for Phelps. His monkey-looking mug could be on the box and it could be called “Weedies.”
Then there’s Sarah Palin. Thank God for Sarah Palin. She keeps the inspiration flowing like water under a Bridge to Nowhere. It’s true, her life so far will be in book form this time next year. There’s no title yet, but how does “Hell Freezes Over” sound? Here’s an idea for a few chapter titles:
1. “Moose and Squirelly”
2. Bar the door, it’s Katie!”
3. “If I lived near the leader of the Republicann Party, I could see Rush from my house”
Surprise, a collaborator will be hired — so the ghostwriter will have to have command of the English language. Paging George W. Bush…
Double surprise, the publisher is Harpercollins, owned by, go figure, Rupert Murdoch — The Wizard of False Gods who dictates daily dirt for Fox News hounds.
Before we get to Madame Speaker, the Republican Party is going to gather sometime in the near future (it better be soon, because the future is looking dimmer every day for them) to agree in principle to start referring to the Democrats as the Democrat Socialist Party.
You couldn’t make this stuff up. But it’s too wordy. You gotta do better than that. Here’s an idea: Obamacrats. Or Socialcrats. Breezier anyway. But the best one might be to just refer to Democrats as “Nancies.” That makes them sound like the Agnewistic “effete corps of elite snobs” that they are. And it makes Dems sound even more effeminite. Think about it. Run it by Cheney. It’s sure to get a snear.
And now to the real Nancy — House Speaker Pelosi. She held a press conference (first mistake) Thursday morning where she came across like Richard Nixon on estrogen. Sweating and squirming when confronted with how much she knew about torture techniques and when she knew about them. Pelosi again fell into the GOP trap — take the heat off us and put it on the other guys. It’s always the other guys (and gals) with Republicans. You know, like the few bad apples, those hapless military grunts, who were responsible for prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib.
Pelosi was all deer caught in the headlights — only with a frozen smile on her face — when grilled by the press. After she was done, Fox News leaped on her like a lion on an antelope.
Accuse the CIA of lying to Congress, will ya. The CIA? Liars? Naw. Does she think shecould get people to believe the spy organization doesn’t stand for Central Intelligence Agency, but rather Convincing Idiots of Anything?
She could have put a stop to it pronto. Just tell the media — the nation, even — does anybody really believe that Dick Cheney would let a Democrat in on his plans to torture anybody he thinks was a terrorist?
Hell, Bush probably wasn’t even in the loop.
Anyway, Pelosi should start saying stuff like “I gave an honest answer that came straight from my heart.” Add to it that you’re praying for Dick Cheney and that you forgive him.
You won’t ever win even second place in any beauty contest. But there’s always a book deal.
And we hear Michael Phelps is going to be in Washington next week…..