The white man’s new burden

Comedian Chris Rock, who is never without insight that’s side-splitting, said — prior to the presidential election in 2008 — that George W. Bush screwed up so bad he’s made it tough for a white guy to get elected.

When W. the Yale Cowboy rode off into the sunset to his humble multi-million dollar digs in Dallas, took with him macho’s last stand.

He, and now his Rasputin of a former vice president Dick Cheney, are the white man’s new burden.

History will tell us that white guys had it coming.

Even though we invented most everything, we also destroyed what wasn’t ours and/or what we wanted.

And don’t get me started on paying for the sins of our fathers.

The problem for white guys nowadays is there is only Dick Cheney and Jabba the Butt Limbaugh trying to keep our long-running dominance over everything alive.

Cheney is a lunatic. Jabba is an over-paid narcissistic blowhard who spews hatred for anyone who isn’t white.

If this is all white guys have left to gives us our rights — and if the Republican Party is our last bastion of hope. Then all hope is lost.

Who does the GOP have to offer?

Mitch McConnell. Nimrod.

Eric Cantor. Weasel.

John Boehner. Mr. Whiter Shade of Tanning Booth.

Tim Pawlenty. Once he got media attention he was quick to get rid of his mullet. The guy had a mullet in the 21st century!

Mitt Romney. A failed game show host with the appearance of someone trying to sell you a GM product.

Hopeless. lame.

And forget the entertainment field. No white guy heroes there. Tough he-man white guys aren’t gonna look to guys who have to wear lifts in their shoes like Tom Cruise.

Or like Sean Penn, Who hates America and wins an Oscar for glorifying gay guys. Mickey Rourke came close, but it’s hard to look up to a guy who seems to enjoy being down.

The Duke would puke.

Great white guy sports figures are few and far between anymore.

Mickey Mantle the booze-guzzlin’, skirt chasing homerun king is long gone. He’s been replaced by Alex Rodriguez who chokes during the playoffs and is so hungry for publicity he stands in Madonna’s checkout line for stud duty.

Joe Willie Namath embarrassed himself a few years ago on TV hitting on a female sports reporter. He was once playboy cool. Now he’s just another old white guy who has lasted long enough to become an awful parody of himself.

No politicians, actors or athletes are left to keep our white guy persona alive.

John McCain — you couldn’t get any whiter than he looks — gave it a valiant effort.

He had it all. A good strong first name (think Kennedy, Wayne, the Baptist).

A war hero who suffered the tortures of the damned for several years as a POW at the Hanoi Hilton.

Just another tough white guy who fought for his country during the Vietnam War and couldn’t get elected president.

The white guys who did get to be president — Bubba and W. — avoided the draft like it was, well, the draft.

Maybe McCain was the last white guy standing.

Naw, still gotta give it to W. As messed up as he left the country, he remained white-guy hard-headed. Never apologized. You know the type. Some of us call him dad.

McCain buckled under and picked a chick for a running mate.

Walter Mondale did that too.

Jabba the Butt and Cheney think they can save the white guy persona. Do they really think white guys are going to form a more perfect union. That we’re going to leap out of our easy chairs in front of our TV sets?

Forget it. Besides, white men can’t jump.

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