Looking for Mr. Goodwrench

President Obama looks like a nice guy, but I wouldn’t buy a new Chevy from him.

General Motors filed for bankruptcy Monday and Obama spoke about it saying he has no interest in running the car titan.

But if he did, imagine some of the brand names he could come up with:

1. The Sotomayor: The preferred vehicle for minority women who make the best decisions when driving. Comes in every color except white.

2. The Timmy: GM used to have a vehicle called the Jimmy, now comes one named after Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. It’s always in mint condition and since GM is in such dire straits, you can forget to pay the tax on it.

3. The Pelosi: This sedan has a grille that’s spot-on of Madame Speaker’s frozen smile. Special warranty: If it doesn’t get the great gas mileage it says it does, return it by saying you’ve been misled.

4. The Biden: Start it up and it keeps going ang going even when you try to get it to stop.

5. The Hillary: Can be driven anywhere — a special hybrid that’s designed as a foreign and domestic model. Also called the Pant Suit sedan. Comes equipped with sonar to detect the whereabouts of stray husbands.

6. The Bubba: A stealth-like pickup truck also know as the Carouser. Chicks dig it — has plenty of room for guys who like their women on the chubby side.

7. The Palin: Wherever you are in this vehicle you can see your house from it. Comes with removable back seat just in case your daughter uses it on Friday nights.

8. The Cheney: The only car you will ever need to drive if you want to be safe.

9. The Newt: Still working the bugs out on this one — veers off to the far right too often.

10. The George W.: GM’s answer to the Edsel — a failure that advertised promise, but just didn’t have the right parts to perform at any level of expertise.

GM joke of the day: Guys are worried — they heard there weren’t going to be any more Hummers.

GM promotional feature of the future: All our cars come with not only air bags, but ejection seats so you can bail out. Of course in this case, you might want to consider our lines of convertibles.

The president said Monday the federal government will refrain from making corporate decisions (who the hell was making them up till now?)

Obama said more people in the auto industry will be losing their jobs but will be making a sacrifice for the next generation.

You know, the ones who are going to hate their parents more than they do now.

You know, if President Obama did become GM’s CEO, there could be this dramatic music background when he speaks about investing in a new Cobalt or pickup truck: Bob Seeger reworking one of his oldies — this time singing, “Like a Barack.”

If you’re still looking for Mr. Goodwrench, he’s getting blasted at a Hooters with Joe the Plumber.

Happy moroting, pilgrim.

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