Real guy stuff

For those not in the know, Monday has been designated “National Man Day.”

Before Adam Lambert goes berserko grande, it’s not Village People it’s raining men kind of man day.

Two guys from Indiana have been in contact with their buddies on Facebook (is that really a manly attribute?) to “stand up and do manly things” like hunting (but not with Dick Cheney) and watching “Rocky” movies.

Apparently more than 260,000 people have signed on — as long as they clear it with their wives and or girlfriends.

Monday also happens to be “Sneak a Kiss Day” for lovebirds to snatch a kiss from their lovey-doveys.

The Man Day organizers scoff at this because on Monday, real men won’t even as much steal a hug.

When Monday rolls around, the would-be holiday won’t get media attention unless some news anchor on cable (probably a man) says something snarky about it.

And what’s with Monday? Saturday is more a manly type day, isn’t it? If you’re gonna start something new, get it right. Be a man.

Monday is back-to-work, wow the weekend went by like a blink of an eye day.

It’s not football season, so there’s no Monday Night Football.

And “Rocky” movies. The first one definitely — and maybe the one with Mr. T as Clubber Lang.

Rocky did show his sensitive side in the original by falling for that “pet shop dame” Adrian. But the pug going the distance with Apollo Creed makes up for him being selected as a Man Day Hall of Famer.

John Wayne movies are a good idea. Especially “The Searchers” and “Red River.”

But check out the Duke in the when Irish eyes are smiling John Ford romantic adventure “The Quiet Man.” The Duke playing a boxer (a real Man Day profession) goes to Ireland to escape the fact he killed a guy in the ring.

At the end of the movie when he drags his wife Mary Kate (played by the awesome Maureen O’Hara) almost caveman-like back to their home to get his husbandly whatevers, any real guy worth his testosterone cheers between beers.

Here’s what you should do to prove you want to be a part of Man Day:

1. Refuse to talk on a cell phone all day — especially when you’re driving. ‘Cos even men look like their chattering like sixth grade girls at a slumber party when their on the road yakking away.

2. Flirt with a woman who least expects it. Real guys are usually afraid of the best-looking women anyway — and are not afraid to admit it. Real guys would pick Mary Ann over Ginger anyday.

3. Leave the toilet seat up and defend your reason for doing so (obviously this doesn’t pertain to guys who live alone, because what would be the use of that)

4. Buy yourself an expensive toy or gadget that only you would like. Remember, this isn’t Father’s Day, when you usually get something you either don’t want because it means you have to do more work around the house, or it’s something THE KIDS can also utilize.

5. Burn all your ties because they symbolize limp you know whats….

6. Urinate in your backyard (but not with your buddies) before you turn in for the night. Because you can.

7. Go into work even if you’re dying. Real guys don’t call in sick when they have the sniffles and feel a cold coming on. Real guys go into work and infect others, dammit!

Remember it’s Man Day. And it’s time we put a stop to the sterotypes assigned to us.

The tutti-fruttis on Madison Avenue who portray us as either duds or studs in TV commercials don’t have a clue what real guys are like.

We like our women like we like our cars, fast and with a good wax and shine.

We don’t ask for much, because we’re smart enough to know we’re never gonna get it anyway.

We lead better than we follow.

We don’t ask for directions because we’re not in a hurry to get anywhere.

We lie and cheat — but we’re never without an accomplice.

So respect us on Monday — but, please, no hugs.

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2 Responses to Real guy stuff

  1. Paul C in PA says:

    C’mon Johnny…A hug from the right woman can brighten any guy’s day. Finally, a day for Ron…it’s about time.

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