“Family ” business

There’s a secret society of religious right wing hypocrites who have a house on C Street in Washington.

They call themselves “The Family.”

Sen. John “Loverboy” Ensign and Gov. Mark “Love your tan lines” Sanford are “family” members.

But their sins of the flesh are forgiven because they’re the chosen ones — chosen by God for leadership.

Their role model is King David — the seducer. He killed his rival so he could have the man’s wife.

Real Old Testament stuff.

It hasn’t gotten that far yet with these latter day sinners.

Sanford and Ensign have been caught in extramarital affairs. Maybe better known as the “family” business.

Sanford is the weakling of the two.

He’s acting like a lovesick tween experiencing puppy love for the first time.

Mark, you dog, you.

Ensign is the more sinister of the two. He uses money and influence to cover up his lust with the other woman.

He fessed up to the affair. That was big of him. And he even expressed the fact — matter-of-factly — that he was being blackmailed.

But then money changed hands.

Not only did Ensign pay his lover $25,000 in severance when she stopped working for him (taxpayer money?), he also put her son on his Senate payroll.

But let’s talk about another family —- Ensign’s mommy and daddy paid a grand total of $96,000 to Cindy Hampton, Ensign’s former Main Squeeze, and to her husband and kids, a gesture which has since been referred to as a “pattern of generosity.”

No wonder Republicans are so worried that President Obama is going to spend this country into oblivion.

They need hush money.

Dick Nixon is burning in hell for his high crimes and misdemeanors, including his talent for dispersing hush money — and he never got any strange.

Even with all his faults, Nixon wasn’t a religious fanatic. A holier than thou hypocrite who scolds others for doing what they do better. Mainly because he wasn’t good at it, but that’s another story.

Politicians should know they can’t get away with having affairs anymore.

Someone always lets the proverbial cat out of the bag.

And the Internet makes happy for bloggers who can’t get enough of this stuff.

There’s no excuse for writer’s bloc as long as nitwits get caught in the ‘Net.

But the game keeps changing.

It’s how they deal with the situation after they’re caught.

Sanford has listened to one too many Barry Manilow songs.

He’s sappy and — let’s face it — a wuss.

Ensign is probably a Tom Jones fan. You can almost see this 50something creep going up to flight attendants and asking — in his anachronistic Austin Powers lame imitation: “What’s new, Pussycat?”

With that we close out the week with a lyric about the boys from C Street.

The words can be sung to The Doors song “Love Street.”

If you don’t know it — look it up and listen to it.

It’s kinky and freaky. Just like the old dudes in that fellowship organization..

Real “Family” guys.

Drum roll please……

“They live on C Street,

hold secret fellowship meetings on C Street.

They have virgin sacrifices on Sunday

Kidnap streetwalkers in their VWs and Hyundais.

They have old time religion

but misinterpret the rules.

Keep them away from your wife,

your mother — hell, our schools!”

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