President Obama’s birthday is Tuesday.
Here’s some gifts people have in mind for the Prez:
1. From George W. Bush: Nothing. He’s given Obama plenty already: plummeting economy, unresolved war, bad image of America overseas.
2. From Dick Cheney: A personal invite to his undisclosed location where the two won’t share a beer, but rather a goblet or two of blood from virgins.
3. From Hillary Clinton: Her top secret notes on the five key things needed to get health care passed — by members of your own party.
4. From Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner: His resignation. Wait, that’s a wish list.
5. From Nancy Pelosi: the gallies from her soon-to-be-released autobiography, tentatively titled: “Why everybody important lies to me.”
6. From the liberal media: A promise to keep safeguarding his real birth certificate, even if it means waterboarding.
7. From Fox News: A tape of Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter singing “Mr. Bojangles” while strung out on prescription drugs.
8. From the homegrown terrorists he’s been palling around with: All the cocaine he can snort after hours in the Lincoln bedroom with known socialists who don’t believe in God, kill babies in the womb, speak Muslim, and watch kiddie porn.
9. From Sarah Palin: A pair of baggy dad waders he can wear as he keeps sinking deeper into it.
10. From Bill Clinton: A chance to dress up like Ninjas and infiltrate that house on C Street where hypocritical religious fanatic Republicans are cheating on their wives with hot babes.
No truth to the rumor that Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are going to sing “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” to Obama. However, Rudy 9-11 said he would if he could perform in drag…
Sidebar: The beer blast at the White House got so much attention —- positive and negative —– that the Obama administration is considering a few other political logistical maneuvers.
Like inviting members of the Republican Party in the house and Senate over for a picnic, where only raw red meat will be thrown at each other to see if anything sticks.
Or hosting Democrats in the House and Senate to walk the White House grounds where each of them can look for the stones they don’t have anymore.
Cable news networks will also get an invite —- on sepparate occasions, of course.
MSNBC will think it is getting an invite because they’ve got a friend, old buddy, old pal in the White House. Secretly, though, it will be that intervention needed for the cable news to stop talking about Michael Jackson and once and for all quit airing that interview with Jackson NBC ran in 2003.
Last, and certainly least, Fox News will even get invited. Naw, can’t happen — unless there’s serious talk about a civil war that’s not a re-enactment.