A DeLay in production

Here’s an idea for a network TV show: “America’s Republicans Think They’ve Got Talent.”

Lofty goal, since many of them like Sarah “Death Panels” Palin and Michele “Beware of re-education camps and the census” Bachmann haven’t been able to convince a lot of people the answer to another network reality show, “Are you smarter than a Fifth-grader”

Former GOP House Whip Tom “The Hammer” DeLay will appear on “Dancing with the Stars” when the show’s new season hits the boards in September.

DeLay, who was pretty much booted out of the House because of his campaign finance misdoings, is just another in a line of former shady Republicans looking to break into the entertainment world.

Think of all those creepy ex-shady characters now on Fox, like Dirty Dick Morris, Karl Rove and Ollie North.

Wasn’t it the GOP that tried to paint then-candidate Obama as “the most famous celebrity in the world, but can he govern?”

OK, so the jury’s still out on that one.

As DeLay put it, conservatives can let their hair down too.

But does anybody really want to see has-been Democratic and Republican politicos shake their groove thing?

DeLay claims he’s got rhythm —- and he’s a white guy from Texas!

George W. Bush, another Texas white-as-you-can-get without being mistaken for the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man —- showed some fancy footwork caught on tape during the 2008 presidential campaign when he was waiting outside the White House for John McCain to show up.

But then history will record that W. danced around a lot of major issues in his eight years.

Think the economy and Hurricane Katrina. They’ll be in the history books next to his name, along with Iraq, in all the history books 50 years from now.

Anyway, the DeLay announcement is a pleasant diversion away from health care and death squads and Mama, don’t take my public option away-ay.

And he didn’t even have to try hard to get a chance on network TV.

Disgraced former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich has got to be stewing.

How many laws does a politician have to break to get somewhere in show bidness these days?

Blago has got to be the Biggest Loser —- the schlub can’t even get on a reality TV show where fading careers go to get a one-way ticket on board the Starship Oblivion for Palookaville.

What if TV or movie titles could serve the personas of celebs and pols?

Keep the title of the show or movie and put it with someone who fits the mold.

Such as:

1. President Obama in a new version of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

2. Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity as “Mad Men.”

3. Ann Coulter in an updated version just for her of “Bewitched.”

4. South Carolina Gov. (and Apalachian Trail hiker by way of Argentina) Mark “Love Your Tan Lines” Sanford as the new “Family Guy.” The show will air on Sundays except on Father’s Day.

5. Just out of prisoner and quarterbacking for your Philadelphia Eagles: Michael Vick in “Reservoir Dogs.”

6. Bernie Madoff hosting, from his prison cell, “Who wants to be a Millionaire.”

7. Dick Cheney dons his 10-gallon Stetson, returns to Wyoming to ride the range in an updated version of “Have Gun, Will Travel.”

8. Bill and Hillary Clinton starring this fall on ABC in “Rules of Engagement”

9. See how many minorities and women the GOP can alienate as they spread the paranoia on the new Fox News hourly show “The Usual Suspects.”

10. Rush “Jabba the Butt” Limbaugh in “The Man Who Came to Dinner.” Contains the disclaimer: count the silverware before he leaves.

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2 Responses to A DeLay in production

  1. MJP says:

    Not a yuck in the bunch. Give it up.

    Are you really Michael Moore in drag? Do you really hate white men that much?

    This is a racist remark:

    “George W. Bush, another Texas white-as-you-can-get without being mistaken for the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.”

    Imagine substituting another name and color here and another nickname…you’d go apopleptic.

    Your obsession with color and race and gender, however, is one inch deep and a mile wide…or else lunatic libertals such as yourself wouldn’t vilify people like Clarence Thomas or Sarah Palin.

    Let’s see…Sotomayor good because she’s an Hispanic and Hillary good because she’s a woman…but Clarence Thomas and Palin are the devils.

    Grow up.

  2. paul C in PA says:


    Maybe some of the stuff Michael Jackson was taking would help…either that or Midol. Seriously, as quoted from Stripes, “Lighten up Francis.”

    I didn’t see Clarence Thomas mentioned, I know my glasses are bad, but…

    And please, Sarah Paline vilifies herself. OK, maybe parodies is more the word. She gives twit a bad name.

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